about 2 days ago, ying wei called me from hospital when i had gone home and said.
'mental health results are out you know? you have to call jane turner. linda just emailed her. daniel and raj both got their results already'
my heart just quite suddenly stopped beating in my chest for a good 45 seconds. it just stopped. i started shaking and broke out in a cool sweat even though the temperature was 14 degrees.
it was already about 5 in the evening and i thought the office hours were over. so i was contemplating whether to email at that moment or just wait til the next day. i decided to get it over with and proceeded to email jane turner. only, i didn't have her email address. so i emailed the mental health coordinator instead. and of course, i didn't get a reply after checking about an hour later. that's when linda called and said she had received her results and told me to email jane turner personally. i got the email address off her and sent off the email.
i was feeling rather peckish that night. i made steak with onions, roast potatoes and boiled carrots. was happily munching on my carrots when linda said, she received a second email concerning the second part of her results and said my results probably would be out too.
again, my heart stopped. i think it sank. and as it sank, it must have dropped into my stomach 'cause i swear, my food starting spilling out into my throat and threatened to gag me.
i got on my computer, logged onto my UQ email and really, there it was. just sitting in my inbox. with no clue on the email title as to whether i had passed or failed.
oh gosh...if i had failed, i would have to repeat the rotation and stay back an extra 2 months and payu an extra AUD7K. i did NOT want that.
and i came home from this resit exam completely devastated and convinced that i would fail. it just went so horribly wrong, no words can describe. it was all going uphill until it came to the part where they started asking questions i had never even thought about and then it all came tumbling down for me. i was in tears as i left the exam room.
this ALL came rushing back to me as i sat there, going to open the email. all the mistakes i made during the exam, how i should have answered in a different way and how i should have just studied a bit more, how it would feel to be alone here while everyone would have gone on and graduated, how my parents would feel that extra pinch in their pockets at having to fork out more money for my stupid failure.
*click*
it opened
Dear Grace,
You have just scraped through the viva, and I need to see you to give
you some feedback before we can consider your results complete. I could
see you on Thursday 14th at 10-30. Please confirm ASAP if this is
suitable and if not please let me know some times when you are available
Best wishes
Jane T
at the words 'scraped through' i was SO RELIEVED!~ and then it came to the part where i had to meet her to confirm and then i became not so sure again.
did i pass???
or is that just a nice way of saying that she needs to reassess me?
oh gosh.
i started messaging people and asking what they made of that cryptic message. most of them agreed that i had passed. but that there might have been something in the air that hasn't been cleared.
so...i tell you, it was super stressful.
i met up with her yesterday and after 2 minutes of telling her what i should have said and they type of drugs i should have given, since it was this part that i knew brought me down, she said,
'ok. pass. bye.'
I LEAPT OUT OF MY CHAIR IN FRONT OF HER AND WENT
'YESSSS!!!'
so shy.
so yeah...i've passed. phew. that's a load of my back.
this whole thing about me passing seriously is not of my own doing. i can safely say that. there's only ONE who could have helped me through this time. all the while comforting me and increasing my faith in HIM. this i can only attribute to my Lord, Jesus Christ. without HIM, i don't think i would even have made it. Thank you Lord, for you wonderful love for me and for showing me that whenever things are seen as impossible, it is completely possible to YOU.
oh, and i passed my general practice rotation as well.
2 down. 3 more to go.
...
was at a party the other day. won't say whose for fear of being found out. but i was at party the other day. a barbeque party. who in their right minds would want to throw a barbeque party when it's 16 degrees out?
so anyway, had a few drinks, met some new people, got hit on my some really weird ones and some not so weird ones.
there was this middle aged man from south africa who kept coming over to where i was and would just look at me and start smiling. you'd think it was ok until he started talking about going to malaysia when i return home so that he could come and see me.
*ding ding ding*
and there was this other guy. i don't really know where's he from, but i think he's from the middle east. he looks like a complete nerd who's trying really hard to fit in and be cool by smoking a lot, wearing very little and drinking like a camel. so...he came up to me and started talking, i can't remember about what since i was too busy checking out this hip hop instructor who had suddenly broke out in a dance number. *oh so hot* but then, suddenly, the host, came around carrying a camera and this middle eastern dude just grabbed me and wanted to take a picture with me. excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me? hello? you think i simply take pictures with anyone arh? please...no. actually, yes la, but i didn't want to be captured for eternity with this dude standing next to me, so i stepped away and proceeded to start talking to some girls. wah...i must sound quite the horrible now.
*ding ding ding*
now this next one. not so bad. he was quite good looking, from taiwan, had ears like my sister. a little bit monkey-ish. but made him all the more endearing. he was the bartender for the night and was a housemate of the host. needless to say, he kept me well-stocked the whole night. found out he wants to be a teacher and go to japan to learn japanese. quite impressive. didn't exchange numbers since i had to rush off, but he made me promise to visit the host again so we could go out.
i think i might just pay them a visit this weekend.
...
on another note, i'm going for a wedding this weekend! gonna meet up with all the old fogies from PJEFC who've migrated over to this land down under. i'm so excited. maybe i'll go shopping for a new dress later. eeee!! can't wait.
...
ying wei and i did laundry this morning
2 girls, washing one week's worth of laundry each. wow...that's a lot of clothes. i can't believe it myself. especially the amount of panties we go through. ok well, those are just MY panties. hers are hanging somewhere on the sidelines on a smaller clothesline. i wanted the sunshiney smell on mine so i hung them out there.
...
i just recently realised that my parents are getting more and more internet and technology savvy. i know there are parents out there who are whizzes are these sort of things. but i've gotten used to them asking
'eh...how to send message ah?'
'eh...can type this up for me ah?'
'eh...how to go online ah?'
and now, they, well, at least my mum can expertly sms me and talk to me on msn and search youtube and go online to take my friends test thing which i posted up. this is kinda freaky.
but what's worse is, she's getting better than me at shortcutting her messages.
she messaged me the other night asking me to search for this video on youtube. i did and true enough, it made me laugh like she said it would. but what shocked me most was how she KNEW how to search youtube for these funny videos. so i asked her.
'how you know how to search youtube for videos like these ar?'
and she replied,
'hfllsp wtcing'
it took my a whole 2 minutes to actually figure out what that message was. i'm not telling so you all go figure it out yourselves.
she can just send a message like that and expect me to understand. WTF?? i mean...type something in shortcut that is understandable larrrr...
even i don't shortcut my messages. unless i absolutely have to. if i were to write out ALL the shortcuts she uses, it'll take up a whole new blog post.
and she can go online and surf already! i mean...there goes our liberty. she now knows what we all do online and she now knows how to do it as well. is nothing sacred out there for us young people anymore?? or are we getting old too?
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