Sunday, August 31, 2008

i have this bad sneaky habit of doubting happiness. i always think that if something really good happens, something really bad is on it's way and the good bit just acts as a buffer.

take a couple of weeks back. i can't really remember them now. but three really great things happened to me, back to back. and one night when i was out 'celebrating' with a friend, i had this sneaky, suspicious feeling that the end of it, wasn't going to be good.

things were all good until last week. and i literally mean the WHOLE week was quite misfortuitous. and it kept coming at me like a sledgehammer breaking up concrete. every morning i would pray, "God please take control of the day" and maybe it's His way of teaching me and disciplining me, but nothing went right for me throughout the week.

i was in quite the doldrums, to say the least.

that night, when i was out celebrating over dinner, and i told my friend about this premonition i had, she cut me short and said, "stop it grace. don't do that. don't feel that you have to be guilty over being happy" and it made me think. do any of us REALLY feel grateful that we're happy? because, isn't it when we're suffering that we truly appreciate what's good around us? and isn't it when we're unhappy that we tend to long for those ever elusive happy times? and isn't it when we're completely down on ourselves and in that little black hole that is our mind, that we really start to cry out to Him and rely on Him?

i don't know. maybe.

i'm crying out.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

i hate mullets. they look horrible. i was on a bus the other day on the way to hospital and i saw this guy with a mullet. and it ruined the rest of my day.

i'm of the opinion that if i start my day off by seeing something happy or nice while on the way to work, the rest of the day will be good. but then, i saw that guy with the mullet.

oh that acursed thing. i have NO IDEA why guys want to keep mullets. to look tough? dude, you look half sissy, half weird with that hairdo. it's neither here nor there. yuck. please, grow out of the 80's and cut your hair. and this was some OLD FAG ok! like he was still trying desperately to hold on with the edges of his ratty, bitten down fingernails to his youth. spoilt my day.

then...

i had to pass by krispy kremes donuts to get to the connecting bus stop. and i haven't had them in AGES! i knew i was allowed at least one! but then my head said to my tummy. no. you can't have them. your hips won't thank you. your chicken wings won't either. sigh...so i girded myself up, and SHUT MY NOSE SO THAT THE SMELL WOULDN'T TEMPT ME! and i succeeded!

i reached the bus stop and there were these 2 old men standing outside carrying a whole bunch of knick knacks in bright happy yellow! so to cheer myself up, i thought, hmm, maybe i'll buy something from them to make me happy. they were selling daffodils, bright yellow and happy, pens, brooches and keychains. i asked how much the flowers were and was slightly taken aback. 5 stems for 5 bucks. eek. and they only came in that sized bunch. so i switched. maybe i'll buy a pen. since it's more useful. so i picked one up and asked how much it was. 5 bucks. eek. i couldn't put it down now since i've already picked it up. it'd seem rude if i just decided to LEAVE after their smiles and kindly eyes beckoned me. ish. so i bought the pen. and they said thank you. written on the pen was daffodil day. i had no idea what it meant. but later found out that it was for the cancer council and the money raised from selling those knick knacks were to be donated. ok la...at least the money i saved from buying a donut went into donating to the cancer council.

sheesh. just as i was patting myself on the back for money well spent.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

my dear friend,

the day came when you decided to stand up for yourself and not back down.

i'm proud of you.

it was a difficult step to take what with all the history and stepping stones laid down, but you did it anyway because you knew that it was the right thing to do.

your heart is something that you should never take lightly dear one. even though right now, it might be in too many a piece that you care it to be, do not be disheartened. for we, your friends will be the glue to help piece it back together.

remember that you are loved.

and remember that no matter what, we will always stand by you.

love you, dear heart.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m reading a magazine in my room while waiting to hear the washing machine sing me its song to let me know that the laundry’s done. And while reading the magazine, I came across this article written by this guy that says that girls shouldn’t be so uppity and tense about how they look because individuality is key. I’m summarizing. This is basically the gist of it all.


It got me to thinking. We spend countless hours in front of the mirror, putting on the perfect flawless face (think foundation, concealer, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, fake lashes and mascara), sweat out our glands to within an inch of their lives in the gym, cry as we pay for that ‘I really need that top to look good’ top and shave our legs, arms, pubes and tweeze our eyebrows just so that we can look…just like everyone else.


We’re told which clothing brand to wear, what kind of fashion is ‘hip’ now, which lotion gives the illusion of longer legs and which hairdo that is all the rage right now, and yet, we don’t tell ourselves that we are beautiful however we look. Be it tall, short, more round than tall, more meat than bones, slightly wonky eyes and slightly fanged teeth. We’re so constantly trying to mold ourselves into looking ‘perfect’ that we fail to already see the perfection that we are. We’re all running after that illusive dream of looking like our favourite star and dressing like that glamorous model. When all we really want to do is be comfortable. Who, honestly in their right mind would want to shimmy into a pair of skintight jeans and walk around in 4 inch heels? They’re all doing it because they THINK that’s what people want and demand. It’s so sad to think of all the little girls nowadays who are so much more influenced and exposed to the cattiness and rat-race of the world. They’re starting to grow up younger. They’re reaching the point of their 30’s when they’re in their early 20’s. And to be frank, with the lifestyle that they’re emulating to adopt, they’re starting to look it too.


That being said, there’s also this ABSURD need to be OVERLY-INDIVIDUAL. Some people would go to enormous lengths JUST to look different and I don’t think that should be the way as well. Now see here, I’m not being all guru about all this yeah..i’m just saying what I’m thinking. I’m not pin-pointing or singling out anyone. It’s just verbal-diarrhoea. Continuing on that vein, I’m talking about people who would purposely lead their lives purposely standing out JUST to be noticed and by doing that, isn’t that ultimately the same as trying to fit in and be like everyone else? It’s all just wanting to be socially accepted and recognized.


I have been somewhat of a recluse lately. Choosing to stay in with a book or watch a dvd rather than hanging out with people and getting wasted. But that’s because I feel comfortable with what I’m doing. I don’t have to go out there to prove that I’m hip and cool by being with other people whose attention or assurance or opinions I need. No one should ever have to do that. Sure we have people that influence us more than others but no one should ever have the right to dictate your life. Just be you. That already-perfect-in-my-skin you.



Friday, August 15, 2008

i was recently 'chastised' for writing something on my blog which was deemed inappropriate and would potentially cause trouble for the said person involved.

it was never my intention to do so. i was merely expressing my opinions and also to encourage that said person in what he/she was doing.

as it turns out shame on me. since it backfired and he/she saw it in a different light.

which brings me to question. has blogging become so superficial and such a norm that every little thing that is said in it could be used as fodder for fuel? it's ridiculous. i mean, i've even heard of employers who have their employees checked up on the internet. specifically, for their blogs. i understand that when a person has a blog, the whole idea is to put your life on display, in a way. to be put under the microscope and to be read/judged openly. but really, do we have to be so careful as to FILTER what we write JUST IN CASE someone sees it and uses it against us? whatever happened to freedom of speech? and the ability to express feelings, emotions and thoughts openly? NO ONE should dictate what one can or cannot do. especially with one's own blog and life. it's just preposterous. in that case, everyone should go around wearing strings for the puppetmaster to manipulate.

i was told that i'm being naive and that i should wake up and realise that people can harm you and they would go to many lengths just to do so. maybe i AM being naive and i should learn that life is a rat race. and that people would do anything to get ahead. i'll be out in the working world soon. maybe i should start gearing myself up for that. learn how to step on people's toes to get where i want to be. backstab people just to get ahead. climb over people's heads just to reach the top. in simpler terms. i should just be like everybody else.

bullshit.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

the sister came and went. it was a whirlwind of a weekend, what with me trying to take her to visit as many places as possible and her trying to soak up as much vitamin D and catch as many Zs as she can. whoosh.

jie, i want to eat chinese food.

chinese restaurant. see the chinese spoon and half a chinese teacup?

jie, i want to go shopping.

where else, but harbourtown.

jie, i'm bored. let's do something fun. LIKE JIGSAW PUZZLES!

i rue the day i bought that jigsaw puzzle set. it was damn hard to do.

jie, i want the sun.

nah...sun.

jie, i'm hungry.

dim sum ok with you?

jie, let's get our face painted!

damn layan la.

jie, now i won't leave until we win a toy.

big enough toy?

jie! got duck!


no, i cannot catch the duck for you.

jie, let's take lotsa pictures.









=)

burping contests. taking stupid photos. making silly faces. eating so much food until we almost died. laughed until we cried. having so much fun, we didn't want the days to end.

i miss her already.


FASTER COME BACK AND VISIT FOR A LONGER TIME LA!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

call me...

THE BARGAIN QUEEN.


2 minutes rummaging through discount bins have proven fruitful.

these 3 pairs of shoes you see, cost me 30AUD overall. not each.

very happy la. cos i need new black shoes since my plain black shoes all died on me due to the countless kilometers of walking and running around.

...

ekka is coming. don't really know what it is. but it seems to be some sort of carnival fair-type thing. with animals and rides and games and food and such. thought it might be a fun occasion for the SISTER to come over and she is! wheee!! joy of joys. really haven't spent enough time with her. it'll be a full 3 days when she's here. on saturday, i'm planning on taking her shopping in harbourtown since she laments that she's been deprived and hasn't had the time to fulfil her insatiable fashionista appetite. harbourtown would be just the place for her i reckon. full of bargains and pretty little things that she adores. then on sunday, i'm taking her to church and then to ekka just for a look see. in the evening, maybe we'll go have a nice dinner overlooking the river or something. and then on monday, we'll just walk around the city and then it's back to melbourne for her.

...

obs and gynae is proving to be quite interesting. although i know now, that i will never want to specialise in it anymore. gone are my childish dreams of delivering my girlfriends' babies. no thank you. not after what happened last friday night.

i was on graveyard shift at the birthing suite and i thought as it was a friday night, it would be exciting and filled with ladies lining up to pop out their babies.

i was oh-so-wrong.

i got there at 10.30 and was just in time for the handover session from the nurses of the previous shift. after being assigned to a midwife, we went in to see the patient on her list. who happened to have been in labour for the past day. and i swear. it was the longest labour ever. the afternoon before she was admitted, her waters broke, but when she got to the hospital, she wasn't dilated enough. so they told her to go home. the next morning, she came back in and they finally admitted her and induced her to speed up her labour. by the afternoon, it wasn't going anywhere. and by evening, she was dilated to about 5-6 cms. hurrah. step in the right direction. by midnight, after 2 hours of just sitting there, staring at her sleep while her contractions came and went, she was dilated to 7 cms. oh lordy was it taking forever. she was chock full of painkillers to numb her contractions and so she slept through it all. at 2.30am, we checked and finally, she was fully dilated to 10 cms. YES! finally. some action! i glanced at the clock. it's only 2. i'm supposed to be here til 8am. i should be able to see one more and hopefully, have a go at delivering it.

again. oh-so-wrong.

she wasn't ready to give birth yet as her baby's head hadn't descended properly. so again. we had to wait for another couple of hours. by 3.30, the midwife checked again and said she was good to go and that she could start pushing.

won't go into the details. but push she did. til she was literally purple in the face. but her baby wasn't coming out through the birth canal fast enough. after an hour of fruitless and i must say, very painful pushing, we had to call in the doctors for advice. they decided to use a vacuum cap to help pull the baby out while she pushed. as the minutes ticked by, and after pushing for, what i swear was an age, the mother finally cracked. she had been very placid and even tempered throughout the whole process until now.

'why's the epidural not working?! i f**king feel everything!!'

hee hee hoo hoo hee hee hoo hoo

'AAAAAARGHH!!!! get the hell out of me!'

hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

husband wipes wife's forehead.

'can you NOT wipe my hair into my face?!'

hee hee hoo hoo hee hee hoo hoo

'OH! you're kicking me now aren't you! you little shit!'

hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee

husband gives her a drink of water.

'can you fill the cup up and not give me that little bit to suck?!?'

oh boy. it doesn't sound as bad as it does. it was actually quite comical. with the husband looking all flustered and trying to help but being extremely useless at it and the wife trying with all her might to push that baby out.

finally, with a seriously mighty ROAR, the mother pushed one last time and the baby was out!

it was honestly the most exhilarating things i'd witnessed. but also one of the most tiring. after cleaning the baby who weighed in at 9.8 pounds and was can't remember how long, but he was long, the mother finally got to cuddle and feed her baby. now that was a sight to behold. finally doing something right, the father went around taking pictures of mother and child.

by then, it was 5.30. the nurses took one look at me and told me to go home. that there would be nothing to see there for another 6 hours.

crap. so much for mothers lining the corridor.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

i have recently taken to doing very auntie things. well, things that i thought were auntie to begin with. but then i realised, i'm not exactly the youngest of upperstarts nowadays. so then wat's wrong with doing auntie things. auntie things can be very useful wan you know. you get things out of it. not like young upperstart things where nothing good comes of it.

i ramble.

but back to auntie things that i've recently been doing.

i've been KNITTING!

yes! you didn't read wrong. it's K-N-I-T-T-I-N-G

and it's quite fun! except the crampy fingers after too long.


this is the product of my first attempt. =) made a similar one in grey for the pester sister.

say nice. must.
i woke up yesterday morning feeling extremely happy that i didn't have any clinics scheduled early in the morning. i rolled around and lazed in bed until i felt that i really DID need to get up. which was at about 10.30. quickly checked my timetable to make sure that i really didn't have anything on. true enough. but had a clinic on a 1. plenty of time, plenty of time.

dum dee dum dum..

had some cheese and crackers for breakfast while hopelessly trying to connect online. there's something wrong with my laptop. it keeps disconnecting. which annoys the hell out of me. ended up watching a dvd. anyhewwww...

11.30 came. jumped into the shower for a quick wash and after deciding what to wear and putting on my face, it was 12.25. walked down the stairs and remembered that i forgot my car keys. glanced at my wrist. crap, i forgot my watch was dead. got my car keys and almost tripped running down the stairs. opened the door and accidentally kicked something.

'what's that?'

little brown package with a red fragile sticker on the side.

'oooooh!'


little brown package with the name Grace Lau on the front. (okay la i was too excited forgot to take pic of the packaging before tearing off the paper)

RIIIIIPPP!



'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!'

that's squealing by the way. in case you didn't get it.


i saw the box and i seriously couldn't stop grinning lorh! and was also continuously going

'oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god.'


isn't it the most beautiful thing ever? (i know got richer people with nicer looking ones with bling bling and shing shing all la. but don't burst my bubble please)


siiiiiigh. my heart is melt.

and to think the night before we had a little tiff due to my PMS-ing. and then this came. everything also ok already la!

i very happy =)