i am me

here it is. the last mad dash for the finish line. the flags of victory are so close i swear, all i have to do is reach out and they'll be in my hands.

it has been a long, yet extremely fast-paced year of housemanship. i remember being so overwhelmed by the change and the expectations that were all in my head, that i broke down even before day one was over. it had all seemed so new. so different. i was sure i wouldn't be able to keep up. wouldn't be able to live up to the expectations made of me. i was so scared. i would wake up every morning worried about what the day would bring. it didn't help being in a foreign land. having had to make friends and colleagues and work at the same time. would these new-found acquaintances help me when i ask them to? out of obligation perhaps? or maybe just out of irritation so that i would stop bugging them? how alone i felt for the longest time. but God was good. He knew how to make things fit and happen in His time. i made good friends. and i got better. it's true what they say, it's all a matter of getting used to it. get a routine flowing and it will all come naturally.

12 months of getting used to housemanship.

and now it's time to let it go. i've reached the top of the houseman foodchain. a 'senior' houseman. someone the newer housemen ask for help and turn to when they need advice.

so the road leads me now to that of being a medical officer. just a tiny leap from a houseman, but what a huge difference in responsibility. and i'll have to start from the bottom again. it's a never ending cycle. we get to the top of one pyramid only to realise there are tons more to conquer and climb. new expectations, new standards, new responsibilities.

it's the last mad dash to the finish line, but i just want to slow it down a bit and not be too eager to reach it.