i am me

following the call of my tummy, a friend and i headed towards clarke quay to appease the rumbling of our digestive systems. it was after work and we wanted to catch up so we decided to go window shopping and take in a bit of dinner. after deciding on a salad and a pizza to share, we got down to talking.

she and i go quite a way back to when we were uni students almost 10 years ago. after completing part 1 of our studies, she headed off to the UK while i jetted down under to Australia. we didn't quite keep in touch over that time and when i started work in Singapore, she was really the furthest thing away from my mind. so it was a pleasant surprise to see her working alongside me in KK hospital when i finally got there. 

it had really been too long since we had talked and it was eye-opening to see how much we've both grown and how far each of us had gone.

in the midst of masticating our pizza and crunching on our salad, she casually asked if i had found a church to attend since coming to Singapore. with a twinge of guilt in my voice, i admitted that i hadn't. mainly due to time and work. but i know that's no excuse. i told her i basically didn't put much effort into really searching for one. i had given up after trying out a few. most of which i had disliked due to the fact that their services and intentions had gotten too 'commercial' of late. bookings had to be made to get into church. queues outside the building hoping to get in. pushing the church members to 'give' to God by investing all their money in the church building fund. 'encouraging' the youth to only date within the church and within the same bible study group as not to be distracted by thoughts when they're not around. it's been a worrying trend, in my opinion and she shared the same views. she mentioned that even back home, her parents left their home church as it was getting too mainstream and too into the world. then she said that that was the reason why she wasn't a Christian anymore. and the slice of pizza that i was directing into my open mouth stopped. and my mouth remained open in shock. did i hear right? maybe the music's too loud. come again? and she repeated what i was afraid she had said. i didn't ask her why. but it pained me to see that the church is starting to push God's people away by conforming to the world. i myself have long felt that these so-called 'leaders' ought to be examined for their beliefs and their intentions when it came to leading God's people. but i never ever doubted my faith in God or His love for me. i'd like to think that i have a different sort of relationship with God. one that is not determined by what other people say it should be. but one that is comforting to me and is suitable for me. it may seem selfish and slightly dumb....but it works for me.

i just hope that one day she will find out that God is still there and is still waiting for her.