i am me

there was a levi's warehouse today in the city and decided to go and have a look. didn't buy anything jeans though. instead i bought a nice scarf, hat and glove set. i tend to have very cold hands so i thought it'd be reasonable to get a pair.

tried on a whole lot of funny hats.

...

i was at my general practice clinic the other and decided to get some fruits to eat for lunch. i went over to the fruit seller next door and i saw mandarin oranges! i squealed in glee. quite literally. i snatched up 2 and paid for them. cost 62.5cents each but i was too happy to care. i gleefully skipped back to the clinic, carrying my gold treasures anticipating the moment i could sink my teeth into the squishy fruit.

as i was peeling it, i was hit with a sense of nostalgia. i didn't get to eat these particular oranges during Chinese New Year since they didn't have them at the time but even after so many months, just peeling them made me think about my 22 years celebrating Chinese New Year back home.

and it made me think.

i want my kids to have the kind of childhood i had. the large extended family coming together for Chinese New Year, the gobbling down of food at all hours of the day, eating cookies and mandarin oranges till we were sick, playing mahjong, drinking soft drinks till our pee smelled sweet, running away from lighting the firecrackers we would scour the backlanes of the town for, the visiting of friends homes. i want my kids to have that. and for that, i want to go back to Malaysia and raise my kids there.

it's not that i don't think i can do all that here in Australia, but somehow, i think it'll be so much more different. and not necessarily in a good way. the atmosphere i know would more or less be the same if there is family around. but deep down, i know it wouldn't.

i want to go home.