i am me

welcome, one and all, to another episode of...

FISH-TRAUMA-RAMA!

yuuuupp...you guessed it ladies and gentlemen..

the fish jumped yet again!

and this time, not into the adjacent pond, noooo sireee...but right onto dry land. YOU HEARD IT RIGHT! onto DRY LAND!

and it just lay there. for urhm...a fair bit of time i'm guessing.

you see, here's what happened.

i was having my sunday afternoon snooze, all up there in dreamland dreaming things that people do in dreamland when suddenly, i was rudely awakened by very rapid, staccato-like raps on my door. so i very groggily said..

'what?'
'JIE! YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN! NOW!!'
'why?'
'THE BIG FISH JUMPED OUT OF THE POND AND IT'S ON THE GROUND!'
'WHAAAAAAAAAAATT??'

then with an incredible burst of speed, i leaped up from my bed, almost hitting my ceiling fan in the process and scrambled to the door.

but then i remembered.

i headed to the toilet to do what i remembered to do.

'EH! STILL NEED TO GO TOILET ARRH??'
'i need to wear a bra right?'

*swt*

after all that, we rushed down and lo and behold. there it was. our ever so great, so big, so scary and so incredibly stupid fish. lying on the grass in front of our pagola.

apparently, uncle choy was having his evening walk and passed by our house when he noticed the really unusual sight of a fish out of water and proceeded to ring our doorbell till the cows came home.

which leads us now, to the FISH itself.

there it was. just lying there in all it's gruesome glory. it's tribal-carved-like face staring at us. taunting us.

'try and get me back in the pond. yeah..come on. i dare you'

it seemed to be saying. but of course, us being really scaredy pussies just stood there gawking at it like dumb chickens. and of course, taking pictures (click it. come on, i dare you) with it. i mean, come on, who could not be tempted. but it was scary of course. oh-so-scary.

we suddenly got the thought that it might be dead. since fish can't really breathe out of water. but then, i remembered that these fish could curl up in the mud of the amazon river where it originates during the dry spells and continue breathing. this is so, because they just happen to be, air-breathers. in the water, they come up for air to breathe.

but then, my sister, esther, got the hose and started watering it. and it quite frankly just suddenly came to life. it gasped for a few lungfuls of air and in the process, gained back quite a fair bit of it's energy. and what happened then? with it's newly regained energy, it started thrashing around on the ground! oh gosh..it was freakishly frightening. really. it just thrashed and flipped and flopped and it even changed direction! one minute it was facing the gate, which i think is north, and then it did a complete 180 degree turn and turned to face the house. which is of course, south of the gate.

and guess what we did?

we started jumping around and screaming like a bunch of headless banshees out for blood. i swear you could hear us from all the way in taipan.

two men were walking side-by-side in taipan, talking..
'hey..do you hear that?'
'hmm...faintly. what do you think it is?'
'i think it's a bunch of headless banshees'
they then proceed to continue on walking.

don't judge us. you there! the one with the bug-eyed glasses. yeah you. i know what you're thinking. stop it. you weren't here. you can't judge me. loser.

so, we jumped up and down and screamed till our throats were sore, and all the while, uncle choy kept coming up with ideas about how to try and get it in but never daring. 'cos methinks he was a weeeee bit scared too. but we heart you uncle choy and thanks for being here.

so, after a few more leaps and jumps, our hero arrived. in the form of my dad's indonesian foreman.

note:
my daddy's actually our real hero but he was in church, attending a board leader's meeting. so he couldn't rush back either since he had no car

so, there he came, putting on his motorcycle and when he arrived, he parked it, swished his helmet off and said

'bawa itu guni'

our very timid yet, really nice maid was standing in the sidelines holding the gunny sack and shaking like a pile of leaves.

she held it out to him, he took out his wallet and handphone, threw them on the ground and took the gunny sack. he threw it over the fish, who i think was beginning to see his short burst of freedom coming to an end, and proceeded to carry him back into the pond. but not before the fish put up the biggest struggle of it's life. and only after thrashing around and slapping our hero on his face, body and arms, did he get dumped back, albeit very unceremoniously, into the pond.

'wah...you macho lar'

what an ordeal. pheww..