i had the weirdest, craziest, scariest dream last night. i dreamt that my whole life was a lie. that the people around me were conspiring against me and were leading me along this road i called life. they had set everything up. how i talk, how i interact with people, my relationships. it was all a set-up. a very cleverly devised scheme to lead me into believing that i am me and that everyone around me were exactly the way i thought they were. but they weren't. and that's what scared me the most. i kept trying to wake up from that dream but i just couldn't. normally, when i'm in a bad dream, i just will myself to open my eyes and that's it. no more bad dream. but this time, it was as if it was sucking me in, forcing me to see things that i didn't want to, listen to things that i couldn't deem possible at all. it was as if, my subconcious was telling me something.
in the dream, i found out that everything that i went through in life was all planned out by my mum, aunts, sisters and friends. they had read something about how to change someone and they wanted to change me. which got me to thinking. am i such a horrible person that they want to change me? i'm speechless trying to think of something else to write here. my mind's a blank. i cannot even begin to conceive this notion. it's scary! it's like a knife twisting in my heart knowing that my closest loved ones do not actually love me. that they are just putting on a mask and telling me things i wanna hear. i'm scared. do i need to change? am i really that bad? is my life right now actually a conspiracy?
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