it's getting colder. the wind is starting to blow it's chilliness right into my bones. i struggle to sleep at night due to my colder than usual feet. everytime they starts to feel the slightest bit warmer, a draft suddenly appears from nowhere and freezes them up again. socks don't help. cos somehow, when i wake up in the morning, they're no longer on my feet.

...

was walking around the mall with soo yi earlier just now, and i couldn't help but notice that there seemed to be babies EVERYWHERE. i think there's just recently been a baby boom. not only here but also back home. where did they all come from? did we get hit by some sort of fertility wave that anyone who so much as THINKS of having a baby will suddenly find themselves with child? no, i'm not being cynical or bitter. i'm just jealous. maternal hormones are starting to take over my being even as i start to type this. i just can't help but feel slightly panicky over the fact that i'm 24 this year and that the promise i made myself to have my firstborn before i turn 30 is starting to catch up to me. holy schmoly! it's only 6 more years before i'm 30! i graduate end of the year, start working next year, TRY to build up a career and save SOME money in the next 5 years. it all suddenly seems like time is running out. so weird isn't it? on the other hand, these are supposed to be the best years of my life. i've got my youth, my energy, my vitality and all i can do is WORRY? i'm supposed to be enjoying myself, 'enjoying' my work and of course, enjoying my freedom of NOT having burdens like mortgages and debts to think about. but then, why do i feel as though i don't have that luxury?

last year, when i was back in kl, i attended 4 weddings. thank goodness, there wasn't a funeral. and this year, there's going to be at least 6 weddings to attend and these friends are all, give or take 2 years, around my age! hello bello? where did this sudden craze to get married come about? friends are shacking up together, having kids, getting married. and here i am, still studying. jolly good ol' fruit, i say.

this is how i feel right now. and i miss him.

it's been another couple of months since i last blogged. again it's boiled down to a WHOLE lot of laziness and just a little bit of busy-ness.

as previously logged, the boyfriend came to visit. was extremely happy for those very short 9 days. to put it in his words;

'it was as though i didn't have any worries. everything was perfect'

cliche? i think so too. but very true nonetheless.

so what do i have to do to revive a dying blog. at this point, you're probably going;

'oh no. it's another one of those "how to save my blog from it's diminishing readership" posts'

well, sucks to be you then, doesn't it?

i've joined a gym. if anyone cares. have been going everyday for the last week. except today. i've got a headache. feels like an elephant's stomping around in there. i've been wondering to myself if it's just the 'new brooms sweep clean' mentality i'm going through right now, since i've been going everyday. or could my subconscious be silently egging me on, cheering for me to change my very--what's that word? it's at the tip of my tongue but i can't seem to get it. come on, come on. SEDENTARY! that's it. my subconscious could be silently egging me to, cheering for me to change my very sedentary lifestyle in the hopes of reaching new heights of health and happiness. i don't get that phrase. people keep saying, healthy people are happy people. these 'people' obviously have never been to a gym. because when i'm there, the only kinds of people i see are the ones that are overweight, gritting their teeth and puffing out their very red cheeks trying to catch their breath. they don't look very happy to me. no siree. and have you ever encountered those people who are so regimented in their routine, that if you were coincidentally caught using a weight machine that is part of their routine at their OWN set time, they'd snarl at you and give you very dirty, scary looks, FORCING you to get off 'their' machine. no thank you. i'll just stick to the treadmill and the bicycle thank you very much.

so--why am i going to the gym again? i forgot.

anyone know of how to get rid of headaches? since panadol and nurofen doesn't seem to work for me.

so it's been 3 months since my last post. heh. sorry. been super lazy to update and type out things. especially since there were so many other things to do.

in no chronological order, i shall attempt to update all you guys with what's been happening the past 3 months.

i repeat, attempt.

ok, maybe i'll do it in monthly order.

DECEMBER

the very modern Christmas tree

went back to kl

found out i failed my surgery exam

spent the holiday studying, meeting up with friends, attending umpteen weddings (i wanna get married too), helping to PLAN weddings for THIS year, went to bali for a family holiday, put on a ton of weight, got roped into singing in the Christmas choir the instant i touched down, friend's birthdays, had the most awesome christmas eve and new year's eve party with best friends, fell in love.

siew pheng, me, vanessa, esther

me, baby alyssa and esther

at alicia's wedding, me, shine, vanessa, liming

congratulations adrian and isabel

the lau women

at one of the temples in bali

sisters

dad and mum

spaaaaaaaaa

at eugene's brithday dinner at 7ate9

at souled out on Christmas eve

with the girls on new year's eve

and boys

outside, after the fireworks

JANUARY

came back to australia, stressed myself silly over exam, stayed with cousin Caleb and his girlfriend, Shireen for a while since i was too chicken shit to stay alone with random people poking their heads into my window and walking around my garden, moved house, now staying with strangers whom i thoroughly like, started hospital rounds, fell more in love.

FEBRUARY

went camping in fraser island with Caleb and gang, cooked Chinese New Year reunion dinner, daddy came to visit, spent Valentine's day with family, bought a new camera, went to melbourne for a weekend, bought a car, drove to GC to see the sister, Esther during her transit to melbourne, met up with some old young friends, phebe and phyllis, who i used to babysit when i lived in ss15, the love's coming to visit in march. =)

after a very filling chinese new year reunion dinner

looking for our way on fraser island

taking a dip in lake mackenzie

lake mackenzie

rawr

my daddy in melbourne, typing an sms to my mummy

dad and me

kenneth and abby

jason and ahkim

the laus and the chongs in melbourne

melbourne city

my new car

meeting esther in GC

phebe and phyllis outside the three monkeys

condensed, concised and completely boring.

the younger sister is at home feeling lonely, the mother is at home trying to get over the fact that she only has ONE daughter left with her at home, the father is in melbourne, anxious to get home to his bedwarmer and the boyfriends are back at home, pining for their girlfriends. long-distance sucks, have i said that?

and yes, i got a car, a small, nifty, zip around town, little year 2000, red, holden barina, 1.4 liter engine, 3 door hatchback, automatic car. bought it 2nd hand after traipsing around in the rain with daddy one day. it was like a ray of light that pierced through the cloudy skies and shone upon THE car for me. quite happy about it. although daddy DID say that i would probably get fat once i get the car since i won't be running around, chasing after buses anymore. but hey....i'm not gonna drive the car ALL the time. i hope. i think daddy himself was getting a bit peeved off having to chase the bus and waiting inordinately long amounts of time for it to come. not to mention the nights spent in my room doing NOTHING since we didn't have any wheels to go drive around. but that has all changed. i have fulfilled my dream of taking my daddy for drives along the coast to show him the beautiful houses and marvellous beaches brisbane has to offer. now he's thinking of buying a house here. eeps.

and yes, the boyfriend's coming to visit. won't divulge too much details here. not safe. shhhh...

now i'm thinking of baking banana chocolate chip muffins for su-ann's housewarming dinner tonight. or maybe i'll just crawl back into bed. after a horrible day of having heartburn (which lasted 12 hours, i must add), i deserve some me-time.

i need to go shopping.

hello world.

this is for pam.

frenchie boy that was tutoring an aussie boy. when i heard him speak french, i broke out in goosebumps. it was oh-so-sexy. sigh.

EXAM TOMORROW!

HOME ON FRIDAY!

PARTY ON SATURDAY!

i just got hit on.

in cyberspace.

BY A GIRL!

for real.

i opened up my email inbox this morning and there was this email from multiply.

usually they only send updates which says 'what you've missed' but today, there was a 'hi there..'. so i thought i might be a friend who's messaging me.

*click*

'hi there...i think it's about time i started using multiply...bla bla bla...and i've been going through your site and you seem like a pretty interesting person...not to mention CUTE! you've captured my eye. hope you'll add me and we could become friends. or more...'

love,
XXX

omg.

things are looking very not the up

1. surgery exam on thursday

2. housemate no.3 for next year's house can't move in

3. daddy severed his finger and needed 8 stitches

4. i'm getting fat

5. misunderstandings left right and center, especially in the home back in KL

6. i'm losing hair

help..

it is...6 days until i fly home.

and i'm caught in a dilemma.

it is 6 days until i fly home. and the house has run out of toilet paper.

to buy, or not to buy.

maybe i'll just steal some from the hospital tomorrow.

...

we women, are complicated beings. we say things but don't mean them. we elect to do things, and end up changing our minds. we lead people on, without meaning to hurt them. and we generally affect people without knowing that we have.

why do we get hurt? i lay my heart out there on a silver platter, well, at least i did. and bit by excruciating bit, for all the world to see, it gets sliced up into little pieces. and in the end, that's all that's left of a whole heart. little pieces. and i can't give little pieces of my heart to someone. i want to give them a whole one. so what do i do, i try to piece them back together. as fast as i can. but no matter how fast i aspire to go, it still takes a long while. time is sometimes put to a different use. more important things crop up in place of fixing my heart and it is left neglected. so, ultimately, right now, pieces are all i can offer. they're not as small a piece as they once were, but i'm still not whole. fragmented pieces of my heart, laid out for the world to see. i try to hide it so the world can't laugh at the jagged edges. but it shows no matter how hard i try to cover up and put on a smile so bright, it hurts. they can always tell, they can always see. because they can see that what we're trying to hide, is what they themselves are hiding. and it's easier for them to laugh and to ridicule because it hides the pain and for that short while, they forget their own pain. we're all walking around with pieces of our broken heart, trying to mend. we're all walking around with smiles on our face so bright, it hurts. but instead of hiding and being alone, why don't we try helping each other mend and helping each other become whole again?

there are currently 3 different sarahs who are in the same hospital and the same 'rotation' as i am. the first sarah, as we all know is OUR sarah, sarah sim. the second sarah, is ANOTHER sarah whose surname i don't remember. third sarah is sarah steele.

1st sarah.
sarah sim. chinese. small, petite bespectacled girl. has a tendency to squint and rub her eyes when tired. 3rd year medical student doing surgery rotation.

2nd sarah.
sarah whatshername. small, petite, nonspectacled girl. looks very hoity-toity. very fierce looking, likes to act like she knows it all and has a moustache. born and bred in australia but of asian heritage. 4th year medical student doing her elective with the anaesthetic team.

3rd sarah.
sarah steele. lovely lady. tall, broad shouldered, kind, very helpful and funny. she's got the loveliest smile and the best demeanor. born and bred in australia and is a true blue ozzie chick. 4th year medical student doing her elective in general surgery.

one would think it's easy to differentiate all three sarahs and ONE grace. but as of today, you can call me sarah number four. since my very lovely, very young and very intelligent locum surgeon has been calling me that for 3 surgeries straight. how hard is it to tell the difference? hello? i happen to be taller than the 2 other chinese sarahs. small eyes, same la. but then, i'm so much more bigger than them.

hmm...i hope she doesn't mess up my assessment

anyhoo...
THANK YOU LEON FOR FIXING MY COMMENTS AND ENABLING RSS. whatever that is.

kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara
keluhuran perlembagaan
kedaulatan undang-undang
kesopanan and kesusilaan

remember how we used to recite the rukun negara every assembly when we were in primary school? i used to be able to rattle it off by heart back then. it was quite literally engraved into our young, maleable minds.

was feeling unusually hyper and oddly patriotic this evening and was trying very hard to remember the 5 rukun negara which to many of us, we've never used or bothered to remember after leaving school. was raking my brain trying to remember the order and the words to it and finally got it.

was walking and singing Negaraku as well and my friends and i were jabbering away in BM trying to see if we could still manage to order our meals in BM and whether we would be able to converse and treat patients in the government hospitals once we were back home.

it was all fine and dandy til i came home to this.

no words can describe how i feel right now. how ironic is it that i was so proud to be a Malaysian earlier this evening and then to come back and see how much injustice and strife there is in reality. i have to admit, that i am blissfully ignorant when it comes to the politics of my home country and i'm not proud of it. i always thought that eventually, when the time comes, or should i say, when i'm older and maybe slightly wiser, only then would i take a slight interest in my country. but i think that time is now.

has the government become so corrupt in it's greed to reach levels of wealth and power that they've disregarded everything that is sacred and good and right in this world? what happened to justice, freedom and truth? is everyone so busy trying to make their voices heard that they don't listen to what others have to say as well?

i don't think i'm in the right position to say anything now. my mind's too confused. my heart's too broken. my spirit's too disappointed.

so i hate that i get emotional when i watch moving music videos, or poignant advertisements, or even heartfelt written songs. garrggh...

received an offline msn message the other day from pauliethepilot saying,

'grace! i'll be in brisbane on wednesday, you wanna have dinner?'

of course i did and replied.

'of course! here's my number call me when you get here'

and so we met up.

it's good to see a familiar face from home when you're so far away. he took me up to the executive lounge of the Hilton hotel for some tidbits and wine and we sat chatting away about life and the journey we're taking on the road that we've chosen. it had a splendid view of the city's skyline and it was really impressive. for a moment there i was feeling very underdressed. i was casually decked out in a tshirt and a pair of jeans with a jacket thrown on. i stepped into the lounge and was like...

'woah...i think i'm not dressed for this place'

all the high flying, expensive suit wearing, ladies with chanel and LV bags were sitting there, sipping their wine and making small talk.

yikes...i knew i should have worn a dress.

anyway...we weren't there very long and adjourned to the restaurant that he picked out. Vino's. on eagle street pier. another fancy place.

felt even MORE out of place since we were the only asians there and everyone was dressed up to the nines. but the dinner was really nice. had oysters for starters and then salmon for the main course.

oysters. mmm...i love oysters. they were so fresh, i moaned each time i took one in my mouth. gosh..i love oysters. maybe i'll go buy oysters later. mmm...oysters.

and all night, we were just talking and getting to know each other better. it's so funny that i've known him for quite a while from church but never really KNEW him. it was always the normal hi and bye greetings followed by some small talk. and on msn, we've only ever spoken for 15 minutes maximum before either of us had to rush off somewhere. so, it was really nice to finally sit down and talk to him.

but i think i've come to a conclusion about myself.

i don't think i like fancy wining and dining. oh, don't get me wrong. with the right guy, i'd be smitten. but if i wanna go out with a friend for dinner, i think i'd go to a place where they'd FEED me instead of letting me TASTE their food. especially with the prices they were charging! let's just say, i was quite relieved when he said the meal was on him. but i DID offer to go dutch. left the restaurant hungry and after saying goodbye, went to a friend's place for ice cream.

can someone tell me why i've got absolutely no motivation to study? sigh...exams in 2 weeks and i'm so not ready.

you know how you're in a bus and it's approaching the next stop. about 20 odd feet away. and suddenly in the corner of your eye you see someone running, trying desperately to reach the bus stop before the bus does in order to catch it. run, run, run. the bus stops and he's not there yet. the bus picks up the passengers and moves on. fail. the man didn't manage to catch up.

i've seen many of these incidences and in some perverse way, it's actually quite funny. i don't feel too bad because the bus i usually catch comes once every 15 minutes. so, the guy probably wouldn't have to wait too long to catch the next one.

today, karma decided to be a bitch and take a huge chunk outta my ass.

today, i was that person running.

it's 7.15am and i'm walking towards the bus stop. i'm early. i know that because i checked what time it would be arriving. 7.22am. i've got 7 minutes to spare. walk, walk, walk. and i hear a rumble behind me. and it was like slow motion. i turn, i see the bus, i scream in my head 'NO!' and i start running. the bus passes me. crap. traffic light. 'please turn red, please turn red, please turn red'. and it's green. double crap. run, run, run. please please please. i have to catch it.

now you see...i know what you're thinking. catch it again in 15 minutes la. no problem what. ah...but this is a different bus. this is the bus i have to take to get to my hospital in redcliffe. and it takes a hour on the bus to get there. and this particular bus, only comes once every hour. and i CANNOT afford to miss it.

run, run, run. and all the while i'm thinking,

'please wait, please wait, please wait'.

miraculously, it does!

but with every step, my mind conflicts itself.

'it's waiting! YES!'

'oh man, i'm sure it's gonna leave like, NOW! when i'm 10 feet away and running until i can feel my lungs screaming'

'don't be so pessimistic! it's still there!'

run, run, run.

crap, crap, CRAP! my shoe!

trust my luck to wear these shoes today. i run back the 5 steps to retrieve my shoe.

'quick, quick, quick!!'

YES!

'THANK YOU!!!'

'no worries'. and the bus driver smiles that all knowing smile when someone races after the bus.

was walking down memory lane and watching old videos of life in IMU.

how i miss those days.

who knew soon han could shake like that.



i wonder if i can still do splits.



and i'm glad to see that the juniors are carrying on our IMCC tradition with flying colours.

Happy Birthday Adrian, the last of us to turn 23!


group shot with early Christmas candy canes. ask the number one girl why. her idea
the number one girl
hooi san and ying wei in party hats
cake

adrian the birthday boy/sportsdude
zhao kang the weirdo and me, rubbing my nose
throwing the frisbee
one, two, UP!
the ladies
the men
birthday boy and his number one girl
one, two, POINT!
someone took my bike. =(
hehehe...i've got dexter's bike
leon digging the watermelon
zhao kang getting in touch with his inner child
dexter knows how to chew 20 times before swallowing
ying wei being the cutie she is

here..have a sausage

halloween was yesterday. but what was it really about?

googled history of halloween and a whole list came out. too lazy to read it all to condense it for your reading pleasure, so, go google it. it'd make quite an interesting read and quite an interesting conversation starter.

anyway...have been reading gossip blogs and celebrity websites these past few days and these sites are littered with pictures of celebrities dressed up in their halloween costumes and going for parties. and is it me, or does everyone tend to dress up extremely skanky during this holiday? halloween, it seems, is just another 'get out from jail card' for them to dress up in the worst possible costumes, read, slutty, and apparently be ok with it? there was not a single original or interesting costume that i could find. it was all either, slutty nurse, slutty french maid, slutty animals, slutty devil, slutty angel, slutty fairy tale characters and slutty, well, slut. they walk around in dressed up, fancy versions of their undergarments and parade it around for the whole world to see. and these are the people we idolize? great examples we're setting up for ourselves don't you think?

i'm extremely tired, but extremely stoked. i'm on this high and it's from assisting in 2 emergency laparotomies yesterday in the operating theatre. had just arrived at the hospital when i saw my doctor wheeling in a patient into the OT and was calling for other residents to come help her when she spotted me and asked me to assist her. oh yeah, talk about being in the right place at the right time. but of course, it backfired at me and i had to stay in at the hospital til about 8 in the evening last night. not to mention holding large bowels full of shit that everytime i think about it, i can't eat. and the smell, urghh....all of us were breathing through our mouths the whole night due to the foul smell that came out of the patient's abdomen. and who was the one who said a surgeon's life was glamourous?

thanks justin for sending me home and making your fiance wait after she had cooked you dinner.
breaking out in pimples due to the lack of rest and the high amount of stress. exams in 3 weeks! crap. here we go again.

on the other hand, i've got home to look forward to. and a surgery to undergo for my teeth. and a holiday in bali. and Christmas. and parties with friends. and weddings to attend. not to mention a wedding to plan. and family to see. and a car to drive. and a large queen sized bed. and food. mmm...food.

a HUGE apology to everyone on my MSN list who i've 'sent' a virus to. i'm really, really, really sorry.

i've been up half the night trying to get rid of it from my computer. i've run spybot. i've run ad-aware. i've run avg. and STILL the stupid virus is still there when i turn on my MSN.

i've come to the conclusion that i need professional help. hence the date with the ONE tonight. hope he gets it fixed.

i'm so hooked on beyonce's songs at the moment. especially the dance ones 'get me bodied', 'freakum dress', 'suga mama' and 'upgrade you'. i play them every morning and do the shimmy shimmy in my room to wake me up. i wonder if my housemates wonder why i keep looping these songs.

poor computer. *sayangs*

sometimes i amaze myself with my stupidity. i need someone to keep knocking sense into my head.

mornings are the worst for me right now. i find that i'm relying more and more on my morning coffee to get me up. i have to get up at 5.30 every morning to get to hospital by 7 for ward rounds. stupid bus takes almost an hour and a half to get there. so imagine spending 3 hours everyday on the bus just going to and fro the hospital. next year, i tell you, i'm getting a car. fosho.

will be going home in a few short weeks. and my room is a mess! hahaha...i've done three loads of laundry in the past 2 weeks and the clean clothes are just sitting on my chair behind me. i'm just too darn lazy to put them away. maybe i should just start packing now. my cupboard won't hold my clothes anymore anyway. i hope i find a place with built in wardrobes next year.

got locked out of the house the other day. lovely. so, i had to climb in the window. phoof! that was a feat in itself i can tell you that. got some mighty brilliant bruises from doing so after hoisting myself on the window sill. makes me wonder how come people's houses don't get broken into as often as it does back in KL. i mean, it's really quite easy. no gates, no fences, no grills, just mosquito screens, which, seriously are really easy to break through. but then, i shouldn't tempt fate. later my house gets broken into.

choi! choi! choi!

*knocks on wood*

not like i believe in those things anyway.