i am me

it is...6 days until i fly home.

and i'm caught in a dilemma.

it is 6 days until i fly home. and the house has run out of toilet paper.

to buy, or not to buy.

maybe i'll just steal some from the hospital tomorrow.

...

we women, are complicated beings. we say things but don't mean them. we elect to do things, and end up changing our minds. we lead people on, without meaning to hurt them. and we generally affect people without knowing that we have.

why do we get hurt? i lay my heart out there on a silver platter, well, at least i did. and bit by excruciating bit, for all the world to see, it gets sliced up into little pieces. and in the end, that's all that's left of a whole heart. little pieces. and i can't give little pieces of my heart to someone. i want to give them a whole one. so what do i do, i try to piece them back together. as fast as i can. but no matter how fast i aspire to go, it still takes a long while. time is sometimes put to a different use. more important things crop up in place of fixing my heart and it is left neglected. so, ultimately, right now, pieces are all i can offer. they're not as small a piece as they once were, but i'm still not whole. fragmented pieces of my heart, laid out for the world to see. i try to hide it so the world can't laugh at the jagged edges. but it shows no matter how hard i try to cover up and put on a smile so bright, it hurts. they can always tell, they can always see. because they can see that what we're trying to hide, is what they themselves are hiding. and it's easier for them to laugh and to ridicule because it hides the pain and for that short while, they forget their own pain. we're all walking around with pieces of our broken heart, trying to mend. we're all walking around with smiles on our face so bright, it hurts. but instead of hiding and being alone, why don't we try helping each other mend and helping each other become whole again?