when the weekend comes, so comes the dread of the impending work week.
how ironic that when we're happy we're never really, truly happy for fear of what's to come niggling the back of our minds.
why do we always feel the need to pay for our happiness and instead of just accepting it as it is...a gift.
a gift from life, a gift from God.

spent the last few days with some people who matter to me. my housemate just came back from his medical mission trip and it was good to spend time just talking to him. expressing our everchanging views and expectations of life and of ourselves.

how many of us can truly say that we know exactly what we want to do in life? we're doctors, him and i. but we've come to a point where we don't know whether we really want to do this for the rest of our lives. 'tis a noble calling, no one can doubt...but is it OUR calling? we all start out with high hopes and dreams of saving lives and caring for those who need it. but the reality of it, we're just a highly paid garbage clean up crew. we clean up the mess people make of their lives. either by cutting them open and fixing them up, or by dosing them with massive amounts of drugs that whacks out their system. are we really helping? i don't rightly know.

i've got to find more things to make my life more fulfilling because this isn't cutting it. noble or not, this calling takes a lot of perseverance.

had one of the worst calls in a long time. 2 crash caesars. multiple new admissions. crazy bleeding women everywhere. sometimes i wonder if i really want to go O&G. i love the look of ecstatic joy on the faces of the mother and father. but i hate cleaning up the mess after. the blood and the stitching and the swelling. urghh..thinking about it makes me cringe.

i don't think i'll ever get the smell of latex gloves and blood of my hands. i go to sleep with that smell swimming around my senses. *shudder*

and being around all these highly hormonal women is wreaking havoc on my monthly cycle.

post call in a couple of hours. cannot wait. i need sleep very badly. i have a massive sleep debt that i have yet to repay. don't know when or if i ever will do it. since the only time i get to sleep also happens to be the only time i get to have time to myself to do other things besides work. it's a balancing act i tell you.

wedding band practice tonight. looking forward to it. have yet to test out these vocal chords after a long hiatus. don't rightly know if they still function as they're supposed to.

on the bright side, it's the weekend in a couple of hours for me. gloom and doom on sunday as i have to come to work and then i'm on call on monday again.

it's not the pale moon, that excites me
that thrills, and delights me
oh no, it's just the nearness of you

it isn't your sweet conversation
that brings this sensation
oh no, it's just the nearness of you

when you're in my arms
and i feel you, so close to me
all my wildest dreams, came true

i need no soft lights
to enchant me
if you, would only grant me
the right to hold you ever so tight
and to feel in the night
the nearness of you

a wedding lasts a day, a marriage lasts a lifetime.
romance, i'm sure, will fade.
but love, love should remain true and everlasting.

as more and more friends make the decision that cements their future together, i cannot help but wonder, is it too late for me? i'm 26 this year and no where near settling down. even though i long for a form of stability to come home to every night and for someone to hold me when i'm going through my labile moments. i just can't seem to picture myself there yet. call me insecure, but i don't know if i'll be able to find someone who's right for me.

i find myself too fickle minded more often than i care to admit. always wondering 'what if' and never fully committing myself. is it because i feel that i've lacked so much earlier on in life that i WANT so much more now? that i should experience everything that i can and not just say 'ok' when it's ok? i don't just want ok. i want excellent and brilliant and a definite resounding YES.

too much to ask for? maybe. unachievable? definitely not. i'm not gonna settle anymore. i'm gonna chase after what i want now. i don't want to listen to people who think they know what's good for me. i want to listen to myself from now on.

woke up at 5.30 on the morning of the 23rd to a text message that banished any residual sleepiness clouding my foggy brain. there's been a passing in the family. but to my surprise, no wave of sadness came, no shocked sense of disbelief, not even the tiniest feeling of woe. how is it that i could feel nothing from this news that would, i'm sure, in other people would have garnered wails of sorrow and the beating of chests in anger.

maybe it was because i knew this passing was inevitable and that no matter how much we bargain and barter, it would be to naught.

as i got to the airport, with no ticket and no idea of when the next flight out was, i could not help but wonder, was this really necessary?

i hold no claim to knowing this member of the family as well as i should have. seeing as i'm one of the elder of the cousins, i should have more memories of him and in that sense, would have known him better. but i'm ashamed to say that i don't. and that is probably the only thing i regret.

as i paid for the ticket, i looked around me. airports are both at once joyful and sad. but the one thing that binds the two is love.

i look at the other people around me, waiting for the flight. how many of them, like me are rushing home for an emergency? could it be that slightly elderly uncle, who's burying his nose in his newspaper, trying to shut out the world and shield himself from the staring eyes of people who have noticed his slightly swollen eyes, the slightly reddened nose? or could it be the couple sitting in the corner, heads bowed closed to each other, with his arms around her shoulders comforting, whispering words of hope into her ear?

or who among us, had different agendas? maybe a married man, taking a 'business trip' somewhere he knows he won't be seen. a young lady off to travel the world to see what else there is to life other than the mundane everyday dance around the different cubicles in the office. an elderly couple spending the rest of their lives together, traveling to visit loved ones in different parts of the world, grandchildren they adore and dote on.

life goes on. no matter what 'agenda' you have. life goes on. and with that, so does love.

the next few days were a blur. a rush of getting to different places and putting on faces. and in particular, of mending fences.

dirty laundry should never be aired in public, we all know that. but i'm ashamed to say, that ours were almost right there for the world to see, as we slowly but surely came to realise that this man, had a side to him that none of us knew. how long had he been this person that was so celebrated, so loved, so open? we had just had a taste of his goodness and he was taken away. forever to be known only a certain way to us. it leaves quite a bitter taste in the mouth to know that we never paid him the due respect.

but for what that was lacking, we can only hope to make up for now. in the aftermath of such news, it's time to wake up. it's time to move on and realise, that life, does go on.

i've been fortunate enough to have been on pretty good calls lately.
there are usually 2 house officers on call at any one time. an active and a passive.
an active house officer would usually be the ones to take in all the new cases that are brought up from the emergency department. they'd clerk the new cases, run all the necessary tests and investigations and then subsequently absorb the new patients into their own day teams.
the passive house officer on the other hand would be the one that does all the 'housekeeping' duties during the night. such said housekeeping duties would be setting new IV plugs on patients that don't have any or for those that have pulled them out, taking bloods after the phlebotomists have gone home, inking up new medications and administering first doses of antibiotics to patients who need them.

for those on call, there are certain things that they do to try and ward off any bad calls. for instance, on my first week on the job, an older house officer told me that the only thing that said officer would consume was mee siam...so that all the cases would 'siam' (move/go/get pushed) away. another very superstitious thing they'd follow was that no one should wear red underwear for risk of getting a patient that would bleed out. eating ayam penyet, pau or drinking watermelon juice are a few other things that they refrain from doing. ayam penyet - patient getting squashed/killed. pau - a patient will get wrapped up (think shroud) or the list of new patients will pau (explode in high numbers)

OMG! HOW RIDICULOUS LA!!!!
i can safely say that i've worn PINK underwear, drunk PINK guava juice and have eaten SPAGHETTI (red) on my calls and (cross my fingers) i haven't gotten a bad call as of yet.
eh..pink is like in the same colour family as red la.
haven't tested out the ayam penyet and pau theory yet. but they SWORE that previous house officers that DID eat those items REALLY did get HORRIBLE calls.
i wonder how much truth is in it.
should i tempt fate? hmmm...

anyway..passive calls are usually quite doable unless you get stuck with nurses with brains the size of peas. i'd usually get through all my changes and set up all sorts of plugs and give all sorts of meds by let's say 12ish almost 1. by then i'm knackered to the point of imcomprehensible belief. i'd be scowling and shuffling my feet getting up to the wards, i'd be grunting and honestly i'd be quite rude. so usually by this time, after getting all the changes done, i'd go back to the oncall room where a bed awaits and climb under the sheets with a very very very big sigh of relief. just as i'm about to dose off,

*ring ring ring ring ring*

me: hello.
nurse: hello doktoor.
me: yes.
nurse: i'm kaling prum waard twleb see.
me: and.
nurse: mai paishent in bed pifty tree, Hb draap to ten point fibe.
me: what was it previously? (alert and ready to go if patient needs me)
nurse: oh...haang onn, *shuffling paper sounds* oh..it waas ten point nine. jast kaling to note.
me:..... (hangs up phone)

clearly there wasn't a significant drop. especially not to warrant a call to me. it's these nurses that really make me wanna strangle them.

but not all nurses are that lousy. there are some that really won't bother me until it's very important. ah...now that's when they're an asset to have.

and it's not really all about the nurses calling to wake me up to note about patient's blood or biochemistry results. sometimes they do call for important things like when a patient suddenly becomes delirious.

*ring ring ring ring ring*
me: hello.
nurse: hello doctor, sorry to bother you. but my patient in ward 12d bed 89 pulled out his IV plug and is now delirious. he's also trying to pull out his urinary catheter. i have restrained him and pulled him out to the corridor so as not to wake up the other patients. do you mind coming over to just review him and maybe give him a sedative? i've gotten all the meds ready.
me: ok i'll be right there.

true enough, the said patient WAS delirious. even with the restraints, he'd managed to pull down his pants, exposing his hoohoo and trying to reach for the catheter sticking out of it. he's 85 by the way.

me: uncle! (he's partially deaf so i have to bellow)
uncle: hmm! yes yes!
me: what are you doing?
uncle: i have to pee!
me: but you have a catheter. you don't need to go pee.
uncle: untie me! why do you treat me like a criminal? let me go!
me: we're just making sure you don't do any harm to yourself uncle. it's for your own good!
uncle: no! let me go! i didn't do anything wrong! untie me! don't treat me like a criminal!
me: you have to calm down uncle! it's ok. you're safe!

i went on and on trying to placate him. all the while trying to listen to his heart and chest to make sure no infection was causing the delirium. but turns out, he's always a bit weird at night.

it was ok for the first time. but subsequently it kept repeating itself and i remember sending a text to a friend saying
'old delirious men who keep pulling out their plugs and catheters should be screwed inside out until they shit sideways'
yeah..i was pissed and cranky at 4.30 am in the morning without any sleep and having the next full day of work loom alarmingly close.

well....off to tempt fate.

wow.

it's really been quite a while hasn't it?

i'd actually left this blog up for death but something kept pulling me back.

many a time have i come back to this page and itched to type something out.

but i always felt that my little rantings and posts have been insignificant and somewhat silly.

but here i am again. silliness or not, i feel the need to write.

many things have happened since i last penned down a few lines. i'm now working in Singapore. enjoying it, i have to admit...that i am. i've made some very nice friends whom i share a bond with. be it slaving away together or just struggling and relearning life afresh. patients are the center of my world now as they are all i see everyday. and odd as it may sound, i look forward to work every morning. dredging out of bed at 6am every morning isn't as hard as i thought it would be.

i've come to learn a lot about myself. that i CAN do things if i put my mind to it and that i should JUST DO IT instead of making excuses and procrastinating. true, i may get scolded and yelled at along the way. but then it all just becomes water under the bridge. after all, housemanship is only a year. and then..who knows where life may take me. i'm blessed that i've got really great people who have my back and who i know i can always call on for help. makes me feel less anxious. true, i started out late...a whopping 4 months after graduation. but no regrets. i've done many things in my 4 months of non-medicine. and i loved it.

having visitors come visit me from home has been another up in this bungee life. the anticipation and excitement it brings when i know that the weekend is coming and a loved one is going to be at my doorstep. but reality always hits after a mere 48 hours of bliss and parting; as a wise man once said 'is such sweet sorrow'. although i find nothing sweet in it now, i know that the sweetness he so enigmatically spoke about will eventually come.

and now...on to greater things in life.

'when there's trouble, they call DW'

my car ran out of petrol today. pushed it right to the limit deep in the red. thought i'd go about filling it up after group discussion this afternoon. but it wouldn't even start up. it would fire up and then 'put put put' it'd die.

great.

had to go to the gas station and BUY a tin to FILL up with petrol. bloody tin cost 10 bucks and would only fill up to 5 litres. bleh.

i'd always wonder what it'd be like for the car to just run out of petrol and refuse to start up. i read about it in books and watch it being played out in movies. and i'd always think to myself. 'how could these people be so stupid as to drive, drive, drive and then NOT notice that the fuel gauge is heading below the red?'.

well, i guess i'm one of them stupid people. thank goodness the petrol station was just down the road.

this is what i get for trying to wait til it's cheap petrol wednesday to fill up my tank.

exams on thursday and friday. obstetrics and gynaecology. 2 osce stations and one 300 T/F paper. can someone say 'die'?

*grabs scissors and stabs own eyes*

drives to hospitals are usually the time when i have my daily conversations in my head. i figured, since i'm on the road and i'm free to turn around and drive anywhere i want once i've decided, it's a good way to make decisions.

but i know i'm really tired when i'm having my conversation in my head and i get round to the subject of shopping and i straightaway veto it no.

but it's a good sort of tired.

was in the hospital birthing suite with a mother til 2 am last night. but once that got done, a huge boulder lifted from my shoulders.

4 babies. delivered, done and dusted.

i know 4 deliveries doesn't sound like much, but when you're competing with other medical students and midwife students, it's not very easy.

i'm suddenly thinking very hard about having normal deliveries. it's not easy at all.

so the last bribe worked. i managed to get 2 babies.

bribery 2.0

hopefully this time round, it'll get me another 2.

days of being a couch potato and lying in bed doing nothing has taken it's toll.

flabby arms. check.
tummy wobble. check.
jiggly thighs. check.
splitting headache. check

this is what happens when you take

six parts laziness to go to the gym with one part oncoming period and two parts looming exams and endless counts of a big bed and room.

simple equation. simple result.

for those ladies who say

'oh...i can eat anything i want and never grow fat. hehehe...'

or

'i wish i could just put on a couple of kilos...'

LIARS! (i would normally use a stronger sounding expletive. but due to the recent phone calls from the mother frantically asking what the matter is or why i'm using such strong a.k.a. foul language, i shall be PG)

you're all anorexics and bulimics who either STARVE yourselves or binge to the point of guilt and then PURGE/VOMIT it all out again.

you can tell that i'm not in a good mood.

my life....stinks.

omg i think i'm the worst girlfriend ever la.

i'm short tempered, i'm irrational, i jump to conclusions, i can't handle stress and therefore take it out on him. =(

i suck. i so need to get a grip on myself.

and another thing.

i was having a chat with him earlier and somehow, it was during the documentary hour where sir david attenborough was talking about mammals in the water. and while talking to him, otters were being featured! and i tell you, anyone who's seen documentaries on otters will KNOW how cute they are. especially when they're cracking large pipis on rocks balanced on their tummies while floating on their backs. and throughout the whole conversation, i was just watching it and dumbly grunting replies to him. he eventually gave up talking to me and relinquished me to the television

i suck. i so need to make it up to him.

even my mother has said that the television is my very best friend. my earliest memories are while i'm sitting in front of the television and episodes of sesame street come fleetingly to mind. even right now, i'm typing this very sporadically as it's interspersed with glancing at the television as dolphins are being featured right now. did you know that there are dolphins in the ganges river in india? and because the water is so murky, they've evolved to become completely blind and solely rely on their sonar to find fish? cool eh?

i love docos.

oh..and i love him too. muaks muaks to you sayang.

decided to give my pins a workout this morning and walked 5 kms to and fro from the supermarket to get some groceries. that's something i will never attempt again. especially on an empty stomach. start getting headachy and nauseous about 500 metres from the supermarket. when i finally reached there, i headed straight for the bakery and bought myself a croissant. things started to look much clearer from then on.

so, i believe in subtle bribery.

baked some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and banana cake to sweeten the palate of the midwives i will be facing on wednesday night. have YET to deliver a baby independantly. bloody midwife students constantly butt in and grab all the cases before we the medical students have the chance.

before

after

it's a bit hard to actually satisfy these women. for all their love of everything sweet, they still will harangue me and ask if i've used unsalted butter, or low fat milk or wholemeal flour. geez. it's all a no, but i tell them all it's a yes. have to placate their guilty conscience somehow.

banana cake

but on that thread, i'm amazed to see how many of them are very aware of what they eat and their portions are minute! i have to admit that i've been eating MORE than they have and STILL they're the size they are. makes me wonder about genetics. loving that i'm chinese right now. but still, some of their ways have rubbed off on me. whenever i go grocery shopping nowadays, i tend to look at the nutrition facts box at the back, side or bottom of the item. counting calories has become a way of life for me and eliminating anything that has slightly too high a calorie or fat content has become a bit of an obsession.

there're so many alternatives to normal. fat-full, calorie-full foods nowadays and honestly, they taste JUST as good. and even fresh produce now can be genetically enhanced to be less fat, or more vitamins or what not. eggs even can be injected with multivitamins! and cheese! there's probiotic cheese, there's lactose-free cheese. gracious. i wonder, will there ever be a fat-free fried chicken? hahah...i hardly think so. very soon, i believe that everything we eat will be so 'healthy' that there won't be a need for the supermarkets to stock up on fat-full, normal 'unhealthy' food.

but without all these normal food, will my char kuey teow taste the same? or my mcdonald's burger? or my baskin robbins ice cream?

i wonder.

i have this bad sneaky habit of doubting happiness. i always think that if something really good happens, something really bad is on it's way and the good bit just acts as a buffer.

take a couple of weeks back. i can't really remember them now. but three really great things happened to me, back to back. and one night when i was out 'celebrating' with a friend, i had this sneaky, suspicious feeling that the end of it, wasn't going to be good.

things were all good until last week. and i literally mean the WHOLE week was quite misfortuitous. and it kept coming at me like a sledgehammer breaking up concrete. every morning i would pray, "God please take control of the day" and maybe it's His way of teaching me and disciplining me, but nothing went right for me throughout the week.

i was in quite the doldrums, to say the least.

that night, when i was out celebrating over dinner, and i told my friend about this premonition i had, she cut me short and said, "stop it grace. don't do that. don't feel that you have to be guilty over being happy" and it made me think. do any of us REALLY feel grateful that we're happy? because, isn't it when we're suffering that we truly appreciate what's good around us? and isn't it when we're unhappy that we tend to long for those ever elusive happy times? and isn't it when we're completely down on ourselves and in that little black hole that is our mind, that we really start to cry out to Him and rely on Him?

i don't know. maybe.

i'm crying out.

i hate mullets. they look horrible. i was on a bus the other day on the way to hospital and i saw this guy with a mullet. and it ruined the rest of my day.

i'm of the opinion that if i start my day off by seeing something happy or nice while on the way to work, the rest of the day will be good. but then, i saw that guy with the mullet.

oh that acursed thing. i have NO IDEA why guys want to keep mullets. to look tough? dude, you look half sissy, half weird with that hairdo. it's neither here nor there. yuck. please, grow out of the 80's and cut your hair. and this was some OLD FAG ok! like he was still trying desperately to hold on with the edges of his ratty, bitten down fingernails to his youth. spoilt my day.

then...

i had to pass by krispy kremes donuts to get to the connecting bus stop. and i haven't had them in AGES! i knew i was allowed at least one! but then my head said to my tummy. no. you can't have them. your hips won't thank you. your chicken wings won't either. sigh...so i girded myself up, and SHUT MY NOSE SO THAT THE SMELL WOULDN'T TEMPT ME! and i succeeded!

i reached the bus stop and there were these 2 old men standing outside carrying a whole bunch of knick knacks in bright happy yellow! so to cheer myself up, i thought, hmm, maybe i'll buy something from them to make me happy. they were selling daffodils, bright yellow and happy, pens, brooches and keychains. i asked how much the flowers were and was slightly taken aback. 5 stems for 5 bucks. eek. and they only came in that sized bunch. so i switched. maybe i'll buy a pen. since it's more useful. so i picked one up and asked how much it was. 5 bucks. eek. i couldn't put it down now since i've already picked it up. it'd seem rude if i just decided to LEAVE after their smiles and kindly eyes beckoned me. ish. so i bought the pen. and they said thank you. written on the pen was daffodil day. i had no idea what it meant. but later found out that it was for the cancer council and the money raised from selling those knick knacks were to be donated. ok la...at least the money i saved from buying a donut went into donating to the cancer council.

sheesh. just as i was patting myself on the back for money well spent.

my dear friend,

the day came when you decided to stand up for yourself and not back down.

i'm proud of you.

it was a difficult step to take what with all the history and stepping stones laid down, but you did it anyway because you knew that it was the right thing to do.

your heart is something that you should never take lightly dear one. even though right now, it might be in too many a piece that you care it to be, do not be disheartened. for we, your friends will be the glue to help piece it back together.

remember that you are loved.

and remember that no matter what, we will always stand by you.

love you, dear heart.

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m reading a magazine in my room while waiting to hear the washing machine sing me its song to let me know that the laundry’s done. And while reading the magazine, I came across this article written by this guy that says that girls shouldn’t be so uppity and tense about how they look because individuality is key. I’m summarizing. This is basically the gist of it all.

It got me to thinking. We spend countless hours in front of the mirror, putting on the perfect flawless face (think foundation, concealer, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, fake lashes and mascara), sweat out our glands to within an inch of their lives in the gym, cry as we pay for that ‘I really need that top to look good’ top and shave our legs, arms, pubes and tweeze our eyebrows just so that we can look…just like everyone else.

We’re told which clothing brand to wear, what kind of fashion is ‘hip’ now, which lotion gives the illusion of longer legs and which hairdo that is all the rage right now, and yet, we don’t tell ourselves that we are beautiful however we look. Be it tall, short, more round than tall, more meat than bones, slightly wonky eyes and slightly fanged teeth. We’re so constantly trying to mold ourselves into looking ‘perfect’ that we fail to already see the perfection that we are. We’re all running after that illusive dream of looking like our favourite star and dressing like that glamorous model. When all we really want to do is be comfortable. Who, honestly in their right mind would want to shimmy into a pair of skintight jeans and walk around in 4 inch heels? They’re all doing it because they THINK that’s what people want and demand. It’s so sad to think of all the little girls nowadays who are so much more influenced and exposed to the cattiness and rat-race of the world. They’re starting to grow up younger. They’re reaching the point of their 30’s when they’re in their early 20’s. And to be frank, with the lifestyle that they’re emulating to adopt, they’re starting to look it too.

That being said, there’s also this ABSURD need to be OVERLY-INDIVIDUAL. Some people would go to enormous lengths JUST to look different and I don’t think that should be the way as well. Now see here, I’m not being all guru about all this yeah..i’m just saying what I’m thinking. I’m not pin-pointing or singling out anyone. It’s just verbal-diarrhoea. Continuing on that vein, I’m talking about people who would purposely lead their lives purposely standing out JUST to be noticed and by doing that, isn’t that ultimately the same as trying to fit in and be like everyone else? It’s all just wanting to be socially accepted and recognized.

I have been somewhat of a recluse lately. Choosing to stay in with a book or watch a dvd rather than hanging out with people and getting wasted. But that’s because I feel comfortable with what I’m doing. I don’t have to go out there to prove that I’m hip and cool by being with other people whose attention or assurance or opinions I need. No one should ever have to do that. Sure we have people that influence us more than others but no one should ever have the right to dictate your life. Just be you. That already-perfect-in-my-skin you.

i was recently 'chastised' for writing something on my blog which was deemed inappropriate and would potentially cause trouble for the said person involved.

it was never my intention to do so. i was merely expressing my opinions and also to encourage that said person in what he/she was doing.

as it turns out shame on me. since it backfired and he/she saw it in a different light.

which brings me to question. has blogging become so superficial and such a norm that every little thing that is said in it could be used as fodder for fuel? it's ridiculous. i mean, i've even heard of employers who have their employees checked up on the internet. specifically, for their blogs. i understand that when a person has a blog, the whole idea is to put your life on display, in a way. to be put under the microscope and to be read/judged openly. but really, do we have to be so careful as to FILTER what we write JUST IN CASE someone sees it and uses it against us? whatever happened to freedom of speech? and the ability to express feelings, emotions and thoughts openly? NO ONE should dictate what one can or cannot do. especially with one's own blog and life. it's just preposterous. in that case, everyone should go around wearing strings for the puppetmaster to manipulate.

i was told that i'm being naive and that i should wake up and realise that people can harm you and they would go to many lengths just to do so. maybe i AM being naive and i should learn that life is a rat race. and that people would do anything to get ahead. i'll be out in the working world soon. maybe i should start gearing myself up for that. learn how to step on people's toes to get where i want to be. backstab people just to get ahead. climb over people's heads just to reach the top. in simpler terms. i should just be like everybody else.

bullshit.

the sister came and went. it was a whirlwind of a weekend, what with me trying to take her to visit as many places as possible and her trying to soak up as much vitamin D and catch as many Zs as she can. whoosh.

jie, i want to eat chinese food.

chinese restaurant. see the chinese spoon and half a chinese teacup?

jie, i want to go shopping.

where else, but harbourtown.

jie, i'm bored. let's do something fun. LIKE JIGSAW PUZZLES!

i rue the day i bought that jigsaw puzzle set. it was damn hard to do.

jie, i want the sun.

nah...sun.

jie, i'm hungry.

dim sum ok with you?

jie, let's get our face painted!

damn layan la.

jie, now i won't leave until we win a toy.

big enough toy?

jie! got duck!


no, i cannot catch the duck for you.

jie, let's take lotsa pictures.









=)

burping contests. taking stupid photos. making silly faces. eating so much food until we almost died. laughed until we cried. having so much fun, we didn't want the days to end.

i miss her already.


FASTER COME BACK AND VISIT FOR A LONGER TIME LA!

call me...

THE BARGAIN QUEEN.


2 minutes rummaging through discount bins have proven fruitful.

these 3 pairs of shoes you see, cost me 30AUD overall. not each.

very happy la. cos i need new black shoes since my plain black shoes all died on me due to the countless kilometers of walking and running around.

...

ekka is coming. don't really know what it is. but it seems to be some sort of carnival fair-type thing. with animals and rides and games and food and such. thought it might be a fun occasion for the SISTER to come over and she is! wheee!! joy of joys. really haven't spent enough time with her. it'll be a full 3 days when she's here. on saturday, i'm planning on taking her shopping in harbourtown since she laments that she's been deprived and hasn't had the time to fulfil her insatiable fashionista appetite. harbourtown would be just the place for her i reckon. full of bargains and pretty little things that she adores. then on sunday, i'm taking her to church and then to ekka just for a look see. in the evening, maybe we'll go have a nice dinner overlooking the river or something. and then on monday, we'll just walk around the city and then it's back to melbourne for her.

...

obs and gynae is proving to be quite interesting. although i know now, that i will never want to specialise in it anymore. gone are my childish dreams of delivering my girlfriends' babies. no thank you. not after what happened last friday night.

i was on graveyard shift at the birthing suite and i thought as it was a friday night, it would be exciting and filled with ladies lining up to pop out their babies.

i was oh-so-wrong.

i got there at 10.30 and was just in time for the handover session from the nurses of the previous shift. after being assigned to a midwife, we went in to see the patient on her list. who happened to have been in labour for the past day. and i swear. it was the longest labour ever. the afternoon before she was admitted, her waters broke, but when she got to the hospital, she wasn't dilated enough. so they told her to go home. the next morning, she came back in and they finally admitted her and induced her to speed up her labour. by the afternoon, it wasn't going anywhere. and by evening, she was dilated to about 5-6 cms. hurrah. step in the right direction. by midnight, after 2 hours of just sitting there, staring at her sleep while her contractions came and went, she was dilated to 7 cms. oh lordy was it taking forever. she was chock full of painkillers to numb her contractions and so she slept through it all. at 2.30am, we checked and finally, she was fully dilated to 10 cms. YES! finally. some action! i glanced at the clock. it's only 2. i'm supposed to be here til 8am. i should be able to see one more and hopefully, have a go at delivering it.

again. oh-so-wrong.

she wasn't ready to give birth yet as her baby's head hadn't descended properly. so again. we had to wait for another couple of hours. by 3.30, the midwife checked again and said she was good to go and that she could start pushing.

won't go into the details. but push she did. til she was literally purple in the face. but her baby wasn't coming out through the birth canal fast enough. after an hour of fruitless and i must say, very painful pushing, we had to call in the doctors for advice. they decided to use a vacuum cap to help pull the baby out while she pushed. as the minutes ticked by, and after pushing for, what i swear was an age, the mother finally cracked. she had been very placid and even tempered throughout the whole process until now.

'why's the epidural not working?! i f**king feel everything!!'

hee hee hoo hoo hee hee hoo hoo

'AAAAAARGHH!!!! get the hell out of me!'

hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

husband wipes wife's forehead.

'can you NOT wipe my hair into my face?!'

hee hee hoo hoo hee hee hoo hoo

'OH! you're kicking me now aren't you! you little shit!'

hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee

husband gives her a drink of water.

'can you fill the cup up and not give me that little bit to suck?!?'

oh boy. it doesn't sound as bad as it does. it was actually quite comical. with the husband looking all flustered and trying to help but being extremely useless at it and the wife trying with all her might to push that baby out.

finally, with a seriously mighty ROAR, the mother pushed one last time and the baby was out!

it was honestly the most exhilarating things i'd witnessed. but also one of the most tiring. after cleaning the baby who weighed in at 9.8 pounds and was can't remember how long, but he was long, the mother finally got to cuddle and feed her baby. now that was a sight to behold. finally doing something right, the father went around taking pictures of mother and child.

by then, it was 5.30. the nurses took one look at me and told me to go home. that there would be nothing to see there for another 6 hours.

crap. so much for mothers lining the corridor.

i have recently taken to doing very auntie things. well, things that i thought were auntie to begin with. but then i realised, i'm not exactly the youngest of upperstarts nowadays. so then wat's wrong with doing auntie things. auntie things can be very useful wan you know. you get things out of it. not like young upperstart things where nothing good comes of it.

i ramble.

but back to auntie things that i've recently been doing.

i've been KNITTING!

yes! you didn't read wrong. it's K-N-I-T-T-I-N-G

and it's quite fun! except the crampy fingers after too long.


this is the product of my first attempt. =) made a similar one in grey for the pester sister.

say nice. must.