i open the door and expected to see your face around the corner. but not just yet. i laugh to myself, thinking you were playing a trick and went looking for you. i call out your name, but to no reply. my smile broadens. you know how i love it when you play games with me. i call again. and still silence echoed. i step into the bedroom, to see no shadows. no lights. my hand reaches for the switch only to stop. i hear a sound. my steps still and my head turns. i listen again and the sound doesn't disappoint.

i pad quietly with my stockinged feet, along the corridor leading to the backyard. again, the lights are off. the windows filter in the moonlight and i pause to gaze at the luminous orb hanging aloft as if by magic. the sound becomes louder. i shake myself from my reverie and continue on with the game you seem to be playing.

i call out yet again. and this time, i hear faint laughter. i remove my jacket and let it drop to the floor. i unbutton my top two buttons and untuck my shirt from my skirt's waistband. i reach the door leading out to the backyard and my hand rests on the doorknob. i knew something beautiful was about to happen.

i turn the doorknob and open the door. i don't see anything at first. the moon having disappeared behind some passing clouds. my eyes adjust to the dimness of the night and i look around. i look for you. and there you are.

you hold out your hand and i slowly walk to you. our fingers touch and finally our palms meet. your smile greets my eyes and i feel my own spreading across my face. i search your face, i search your eyes. it is there. there can be no doubt. it is there.

i slip into your arms and your warmth envelopes me. they say home is where the heart is, and for me, my heart is with you.

...

i wanted to write something to see what type of person i am. i didn't think out what to write. i just sort of let my fingers flow. there was a point where it could have either been really heartwrenching or it could be really romantic and lovey-dovey. and i guess my fingers/heart went with lovey-dovey.

i'm such a sap.

i had the most absurd dream.

something about weddings going on one after another all in the same place.

i think it's because i saw 5 different wedding processions while taking a walk in the QUT gardens on saturday. i wish there were such things in KL. parks and gardens to walk in. takes my mind off very messy and stressful matters.

alsoin the dream, i kept going to the toilet and people kept barging in when i'm doing my business.

hello? knock much?

i think it was due to the running out of toilet tissue in my own toilet.

or something of the sort.

assignments.

i'm neck deep in them right now. all to save my ass for this surgery rotation. apparently doing assignments well will actually help you pass the final exam. so i'm all for it. i'm an assignment girl. i like assignments. if they weren't so tedious. rawr.

so the maid's gone in my house in KL. something about her father dying and her going back and then her husband making up stories about her being in a car accident and her not wanting to come back and all that drama. such a sad thing because i really liked her. she was like, the only indonesian maid that i really liked. i could talk to her. i could laugh with her. i could cry and she would comfort me as well. this doesn't usually happen with my older indon maids. but this girl was nice. sad that she didn't want to come back and felt that she had to lie to actually get away. oh well...looks like beds won't be magically made when i head back home. neither will my clothes be pressed to perfection.

so, i'm falling sick again. i think it's due to the weather. it's been hot and cold for the longest time now. it's blistering during the day and bone-chilling at night. hello? what happened to summer?

sisters at home are stressing as well. models to hand up. exams to sit for. will a student's life never end? especially in the fields that we have chosen. medicine. architecture. law. all constantly learning subjects.

was eating at this asian restaurant one of the days and the owner has become a good friend of mine. so we were talking and she was telling me about her son who was also a doctor here in brisbane. he had previously studied for 4 years to be a physiotherapist. after that, he studied another 4 years to become a doctor. and now, he's studying to be a paediatrician. and after that, he wants to subspecialise in congenital diseases. wow. thinking about it makes me tired. i mean, i know medicine is a life-long learning profession, but sir, don't you feel tired? i know most people would see it as bettering one's self and constantly upgrading the ol' brain. but is that the path people would willingly take? i'm sure after a certain point, burnout occurs. the mind just refuses to take in anymore input. i know it happens to me, and maybe it's because i'm lazy but i think it's also due to the lack of passion and genuine interest in what i'm doing. how do i rekindle that passion? will i constantly fight and struggle to just be interested in this field of life?

oh yeah. hello uncle wann. yes, i'm complaining again. i like to complain. it helps me release stress.

i've been living everyday with blinkers on. i'm just going through the motions. reliving each day like the last. there doesn't seem to be any meaning to what i'm doing. i don't see what i'm doing. i don't experience it. i don't enjoy it. why? where has my zest for life gone? day in and day out, it's the same old thing all over again.

had a talk with a friend the other day and i've come to realise that i know all the right things to say but never really apply it to my life. i know how to tell people the right things to do and how to lead and encourage them, but in my own life, i'm empty. i see no point in following my own advice. it just doesn't seem to work for me. bloody hypocrite i am.

FIGHT GRACE! FIGHT!

just because we can

37 days.

thirty seven days.

THIRTY SEVEN DAYS.

that's how long more before i'm home. before i'm back in the land of all the best foods, the land of all the best friends, the land of beds that magically get made, the land of food being on the table without me making it, the land of my parents and family.

der yin just said she misses me on her blog.

i miss the way she says 'jie jie der wen'. with the wen being a little bit longer than usual. so it's like 'wennn'.

gosh.
37 days.

and in that 37 days i'll have to sit for the worst exam of the year. i need help. i'm so tired of studying, so tired of living this life, so tired of just living for passing exams and stressing over results and getting palpitations and anxiety attacks.

i'm whinging again. i need to stop whinging. someone tell me to stop whinging.

hope brisbane church had their annual church dinner on monday night. had a buffet style dinner. call me a glutton, but i ended up with heartburn again that night. and again last night. and again right now. i don't know what's going on. can't be i'm eating too much. all i had for dinner was soup, asparagus and bread. and lots of juice. and fruits.

Judah 6 lifegroup

christine.joyce.me.ying wei

daniel.zk.me.elena.ying wei.dexter.richard

i find it hard to understand sometimes how people can be so blaise and indifferent about life and about how things go about. they never seem to be frazzled by the everyday occurrences, good or bad that pass their way. i envy them. i tend to worry unnecessarily. and blow things way out of proportion all the time. i just can't seem to let sleeping dogs lie or just let things pass me by without kicking up a big fuss over why such things happen to me.

someone teach me to be less stressed out over small matters and to just enjoy my life.

i'm looking for the magic in my life. i think it's time i deserve some magic.

because i love you

because we can

because you're silly

because we're the same

because you've come a long way

because of our similar loves

because you're so beautiful

because you're so impish

because you're so far away,
that's why i can only do this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELINE!

it's a saturday night.

i'm at home.

on a saturday night.

something's wrong.

and i'm bored. and too lazy to think of things to type, so i'm just gonna make this a random picture post.

grocery store aisle

mint jelly shots

hanging on for dear life

sunshine

my fish. before they died.

i like chairs

homemade garlic bread

sunlight through liquer filled bottles

be my valentine?

dr. who?

belly dancer

my boots

*muaks*

pore pack filled with gunk

pretty chocolates

spring's here

pelicans in a row

pumping air into soo yi's car tires

bobble head shrek

till i get more inspiration...

i've been having some pretty intense toothaches of late. which has been contributing to my suddenly very frequent bouts of headaches. it was just one of those days when my head was pounding when i suddenly realised that the side of my face was also quite a bit achy. i ran my tongue across my teeth and suddenly, a sharp, shooting, lightning bolt type of pain pierced through my head. i gingerly tried to locate the source of the pain after my eyes had stopped watering and realised, that one of my top wisdom teeth was swollen and very, very painful.

die.

two of my bottom wisdom teeth had already partially surfaced and none had really given me much problem. plus, during a chinese new year house consult, my dentist uncle said it looked like i had a lot of gum space for it to grow. so i was quite assured that nothing sinister was about to happen.

i decided to just let the pain subside on it's own and not care about it. but two nights ago, i had a really high fever. so high, that i woke up the next morning without any clothes on. apparently, i had shed my clothes in the middle of the night since i had felt so hot. confirm la..i told myself. i had to go see a dentist.

and i did.

with much hesitation, i must add, since i knew it was going to cost a HUGE sum of money. but, i was afraid that my tooth had become infected and was impacted. so, i went to the city today, to visit the dentist. who happened to be a friend as we had met in church and he had given me his card. thankfully, i managed to get an appointment today after one of his regulars cancelled.

it wasn't good news.

i told him my teeth had been aching and he suggested that i get an x-ray done. which was kinda cool in a spaceship, star-trek kinda way.

and when it came out. true enough, there they were. all 4 of my wisdom teeth. and it turns out, 2 of the bottom ones can't surface fully since it's half impacted by the facial bone. great.

he turns to me and says:

'well, you'll probably need to go under general anaesthetic for this'

yes! i had hoped he would say that since i didn't wanna be awake for all the drilling and grinding and pulling and tugging.

'and you need to get all 4 out. surgically. and you need to get an oral surgeon for it'

what.

say that again?

'it's pretty major surgery. you need to remove a piece of the bone to get the bottom two out. and the surrounding soft tissues around the top need to be cut away as well.'

oh.my.gosh.

'all in all, it would probably cost you around 2.5 grand'

OH.MY.GOSH!

i tentatively asked if i could get it done in KL if i promise to take good care that it doesn't get infected and thankfully, he said, yes. phew. i hope it's much cheaper back home.

so now, i have been prescribed antiseptic mouthwash, antibiotics and i have to use a kids' sized toothbrush since my normal adults' one doesn't reach that far behind and i'm so afraid that food might get caught behind there and get infected when bacteria start growing.

hence, the baby toothbrush.

cute isn't it? it has tigger on it, and behind it has little bees and beehives! i guess ONE good thing came out of this.

sigh.

dinner at mickey's-sook yi.xue mei.me.jo lynn

with auntie miu and uncle mickey, the owner of the restaurant and clubsook yi.me.xue mei. all dressed up with places to go i have no idea what these shots were dancing the night away. i love the look on xue mei's face.

sook yi and xue mei.
leon.jason.kenny.xue mei. obligatory birthday girl with guys picture

i see my sister in both of them. i miss you, yin. =)

the boys of metro 21

saturday night:

dinner and drinks at the Gold Coast to celebrate mei's birthday.

sunday morning:

breakfast and lunch at the girls' place. had sandwiches, chips, tomyam noodles.

sunday evening:

dinner at leon's mother's place. for some reason, there seemed to only be MEAT on the table.

monday evening:

dinner at sunnybanks, a plate of hokkien fried hor fun, with a side dish of lobka, followed by wild cherry and chocolate mint gelato, a walk at kangaroo point to ease the bloatedness and then supper of french fries and a coke at McD's.

time now:

4.12am.

reason for being awake:

heartburn.

i am SO paying for my gluttony.

i swear, i have met, THE MOST gorgeous looking orthopaedic surgeon ever.


and i now officially declare orthopaedics one of my favourite subjects. especially since all the doctors specialising in it are male. and they're good looking. and surprisingly, single.


hence, this said post.

this morning, i went for a clinic with some of these doctors. one older consultant and 2 registrars, who looked to be about late 20s to early 30s. and imagine my joy, when i noticed the two younger doctors BOTH were not wearing wedding bands.



*drops on knees and thanks God*

so i was attached to one Dr. BH *names shall not be disclosed for fear of jinxation* and he, i swear, is one of the most attractive looking men i've ever seen. i know that tastes varies in different people, so some might say he's only so-so. but to me, *sigh* eye candy. didn't pay attention to any of the patients that came in. instead, was surreptitiously stealing glances at Dr. BH. *sigh*

now look me in the eye and tell me he's not gorgeous. you notice in the top picture, left hand, ring finger, NAKED. and in the picture on the right, right hand, ring finger, ALSO NAKED.

*skips around room happily*

the small photos don't do him justice. CLICK on the photos to see the enlarged gorgeousness.

I NEED TO STOP EATING!


the last week has been a complete binge-eating week! it was nonstop stuffing my face.


and today, for breakfast, you know what i had? butter on toast! well, not only that lah..had salami and cheese and lettuce and tomatoes also lah. but the bottom line is, there was butter! i don't even remember the last time i had BUTTER ON TOAST! i don't think i've had proper spreadable butter on toast since i got here!


i'm getting decadent! gosh...


someone! please! stop this madness!!


i tell you. food. this past week. food. omgosh. it was everywhere. sizzlers lah, dim sum lah, cybercity lah, sunnybank oriental lah. i tell you. i've resorted to wearing loose fitting clothes again. NOW! of ALL TIMEs! NOW! when the weather is BLISTERING! it's supposed to be time to shape up for bikini season grace. SHAPE UP!

gjrnavnaekraerjgoaegnaelkngmaelkgalkgalkfalsjkfalksjfalskmgalsk

frustration.


the boys that are responsible for my eating out so much this past week. grrr...
and the drink i'm sipping is called 'spider coke'. try and guess what it is.

it was AHMA'S 80th birthday on saturday evening. and my family threw her a huge birthday do. should have gone home for it. i WAS on break anyway. stupid caleb didn't get fired from his job and threw the whole idea in the can. sigh. i wish i had been there. it looked like it was such great fun. would have been a good excuse to go home.

sisters and girl cousins sang a song for her too. won't post that up since one of my sisters went off. hahaha...poor girl. the dress must have been a tad bit too tight for her.

surgery's started. and i'm quite enjoying i think. especially now where it's all orthopaedics. i think i just might be an orthopod at heart. i like learning about muscles, bones and joints. not to mention that it doesn't really need much brain power. and we all know how much i love to slacken my mind and just let it wander. be it in a good or bad way. *wink*

how does a girl turn down a guy nicely? like. say a nice guy asks her out. they're friends. and they've been out before for a polite-get-to-know-you dinner. but after the dinner, the girl is certain that nothing can go on and the guy should purely be kept at arm's length as a friend. but on the other hand, she really enjoyed his company and he's a really fun guy. night ends well. both parties are glad they went out. but both have different views on the outcome. the guy, from what i know, seems mighty interested and has actually asked the girl out again. for a romantic dinner with 'nice candles' etc. he tried to inject humourous flirtations at intervals when he's asking her out but he seems to be trying a bit too hard now since he's interested in the girl and is a bit more self-conscious.

what does the girl do? she's tried asking him to invite other people along, but has hit a snag. she realises that they're from two COMPLETELY different worlds and they have no mutual friends, only acquaintances, save 2 good friends, one of who, set them up in the first place.

what to do? what to do? how does a girl turn down a guy nicely?

my inner procrastinator is waking up.

in 2 months, i'll be back home. time's going to fly. and just when i'm starting to have fun. how ironic isn't it? and we all know what it means when it's time to go home. it's time to go shopping for souvenirs for my sisters! and there's only one thing they want, desire, accept, demand, covet. clothes. that also means, i get to go clothes shopping TOO!! hey...when in rome...

the full monty has OFFICIALLY become my favourite show. if you haven't seen it, then i recommend it. HIGHLY recommend it. had me laughing so hard, i was rolling on the floor, slapping the ground, clutching my tummy, with tears streaming down my face, mouth wide open in laughter. it was a potentially damaging period for my image, but it was well worth it. *grin* if you guys want to know. it's the story of 6 down and out men during the recession trying to find a way to make some money and gain some credibility. they each have their own story as to why they decided to do what they do. ie. to save their marriage, to prove to themselves that they're worth something, to try and save their time with their kids, etc. trust me, it's worth a watch.

did i mention that it's little girl xue mei's birthday today? she's FINALLY turning 18. will be going down to the Gold Coast this weekend to celebrate her birthday with her. not to mention initiate her into the world of womanhood. it's about time. der yin. think about it. this time next year or the year after next, you'll be here celebrating with her too! *dangling bait* i'm sure she'd love you being here with her.

listening to the soundtrack of 'GREASE' right now. unlike the full monty, it's MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE show. means it trumps the full monty. especially since it has songs in it which i love to sing along to.

'grease lightning, go grease lightning'

*points finger and moves it in an arc in front of the mirror*

'summer lovin' had me a blast, summer lovin' happened so fast'

*snaps fingers and swishes imaginary big skirts*

according to the late, great Nat King Cole,

love, is a many splendoured thing.
it's the april rose that only grows in the early spring.
love is nature's way of giving, a reason to be living,
the golden crown that make a man a king.
once, on a high and windy hill,
in the morning mist,
two lovers kissed and the world stood still.
then your fingers touched my silent heart
and taught it how to sing.
yes, true love's a many splendoured thing.

why don't i have that?
i want time to stand still when i kiss
i want to touch someone's silent heart and teach it to sing
i want to make my man a king.

but wait.

i don't have a man. gee...*bucket of cold water*

wow. this is the randomest post ever.