i am me

there's a heavy feeling in my heart,
for reasons i cannot discern,
it feels as if something's missing,
for who's hold i cannot grasp.

i know it's right there,
i can see it waiting,
i just have to stretch just that little bit,
fingers brushing, but never grasping.

it eludes me, evades me,
reach, just reach,
i'm coming closer,
i'm almost there.

every step i take,
takes me no further than where i've been,
one step forward, means another one back,
never progressing, never reaching

why is it so hard?
question remains unanswered.
for when the birds fly,
no one can tell.

fields of gold and amber,
burning up inside,
colours splaying, then dying,
never to last forever.

can this be true?