Dear Lord,

I'm on my knees and i'm asking for Your strength right now.

help me get through the next 6 weeks while i'm in Blackall.

give me a spirit of acceptance and the right attitude to accept what i cannot change.

I'm scared Lord. I'm scared of being alone there and being unsure of what is to come.

i have no idea what to expect and i'm afraid that i won't be able to cope when i'm there alone and a curveball comes my way.

teach me Lord to turn to You in these times of need, help me Lord to trust that You are in control and that You have my best interests at heart.

hold my hand along this journey Lord. and if need be, please carry me Lord.

UQ has agreed to pay up to 250AUD for my transport to blackall.

there are only 2 ways to get there.

1. i catch a flight from rockhampton to brisbane, then from brisbane, i take a bus to blackall
amount: flight+train+bus (75+10+109) = 194
time needed: about 20 hours altogether.

2. i catch a bus from rockhampton to barcaldine, switch buses and take another bus from barcaldine to blackall.
amount: didn't bother to check since i found out that once i reach barcaldine, i'd be just in time to miss the bus by 10 minutes.

i don't know what to do anymore. it's just starting to get very overwhelming.

sigh...

looks like it's gonna be the 20 hour journey..

EDIT

sitting next to me right now in the student center in rockhampton is a very lovely chap who's tall, cute and really fun. not to mention helpful. why? because he just found me a way to get to blackall for only 60 dollars. mind you, it'll still take me almost 20 hours to get there, but hey, it's so much cheaper. i'd be taking a train from here, rockhampton, to this small town called barcaldine, which takes about 11 hours. there, i'd have to stopover for about 6 hours where i'll board a bus that will take an hour or so to get me to MY little small town of blackall.

so there...i think i owe him a nice dinner or something...but he doesn't want it. so sweet.

in less than 10 hours, i'll be heading back to the land down under. i must be honest in saying that i'm not looking forward to it at all. it seems harder this time round. when i left here earlier this year, i was full of anticipation and expectations over how life is gonna be when i'm there. and needless to say, i've been sorely disappointed. but that's all part of life isn't it? disappointment and sorrow.

the past 2 weeks have been a time of relaxation, a time of reflection, a time of decision and a time of bonding (that's code for bickering, arguing and getting irritated with each other. just like old times).

my family means the world to me.

my mother constantly fussed over me the first few days since i was still slightly sick. she went and bought chinese medicine since apparently the western one didn't work. as much as it sucked, i know she did it because she loved me enough to force-feed it to me. literally looking over my shoulder everytime i had to take it. and if i didn't, she'd take the spoon in hand and feed it to me herself. she went and bought all sorts of chinese medication for me to bring back because she KNOWS that i won't do it myself. she would remind me everyday to be strong and to be mentally prepared for life there. in other words, not to be a wuss. of course there were times when i wanted to strangle her. like the time when she would call me from school just to ask me what i'm doing. there was one day she called me 11 times. in the span of 3 hours. that has GOT to be some sort of record. and as much as it annoyed me at that time, i know i'm going to miss it when i'm all the way across the sea.

my daddy has been a brick. not being a stick in the mud at all. it was so funny how i managed to surprise him when i came home. his eyes damn near popped out of his head. they never looked so big in my life. then came the scolding for not telling him to come pick me up and not informing that i was coming home early. and he'd gone back to protective daddy mode when i would be out late at night and he would call and ask where i was and how come i wasn't home yet. UNTIL he realised that i'm now quite grown up and that he had called me at 10pm. he even forgot my birthday. i guess he was wondering why all of sudden i cooked dinner and was happily tucking into the food when my sisters asked me what i was going to do and he was like...do for what? all eyes turned to him in incredulity over his forgetfulness. but i don't blame him. he's already got so much on his mind trying to make ends meet for his family. so i don't care if he forgets my birthday. just because he loves me so much to want to give me the best that i can have.

esther has been a darling. what with spending time in the car aimlessly driving to KL in the middle of the night just because we felt like it, to having heavy, heavy breakfasts and making lame jokes that make us laugh til no sound comes out. she wrote a post on her blog today which made me cry. lyn if you're reading this, it's with a heavy heart that i'm leaving as well. but i guess it can't be helped. i won't hug you 'cause i know we'll both start bawling like banshees and have puffy, slit eyes tomorrow.

sara as usual has been the diva. but it wouldn't be her if she wasn't. taking her to driving tests and picking her up has been interesting. especially since she failed twice but managed to pass the third time round. third time's a charm as we all know. seeing her starting to dress more grown up like and wearing more makeup than i am and talking like she thinks she knows what's going on has made me feel like i'm missing a huge chunk of her life. she's not the little girl anymore that we use to complain about getting her way after throwing tantrums. in her place, there's this young lady that STILL throws tantrums, but in a different way. i'm not sure WHAT way...but she still manages to do it.

gosh...this sounds like a eulogy. I'M NOT DYING!! but why does it feel like a part of me is?



i'm just cruisin' with my sisters,
we're gonna have some supper,
we're on our way to maccas,
and we're gonna call ah-peng-er,
i'm just cruisin' with my sisters...

as you know...we will always be spastics whatever our age.

choon the gorgeous and me.

yvonne...you know you will always be my first true love...

there...you see...

these are the queens of spaznesssss...

all the ladies....

went out with the girls last night to have a small birthday gathering.

it's so good to see them all again. it seemed only yesterday we were all in school and studying for our SPM exams. now, most of them have careers that are taking off and lives of their own to carry on. makes me feel nostalgic. but even though we've all moved on and built lives our own, i know that somewhere, somehow, we will always be the same girls that used to go to school together. our insecurities may be overshadowed by the facade of confidence we have to put up in our everyday lives now, but we all know who we are and we'll always be there for each other. life throws us curveballs everywhere we turn. but with these ladies, those curveballs can always be dodged. because we've got each other's back.

CLICK for more pictures.

screaming over who gets to sit in the front seat.

arguing over who has to ask for more tissue paper.

whacking each other after saying stupid things.

eating supper in McD's and making fun of ah-peng.

trying to throw rolled up wads of tissue down the V-neck of my blouse.

turning heads everytime we walk together since we talk so loudly and look so alike.

singing along with the radio at the top of our voices.

cruising along to KL city in the middle of the night just because we feel like it.

driving home with my sisters asleep in the car.

it feels good to be home.

i have no idea how sarah managed to log onto my blog. but oh well...welcome sarah! hahaha...

i so want to bathe right now, but due to the darndest reason, everytime i step out of my room all ready with my towel, there's someone in the toilet. i guess this is what happens when there's only ONE bathroom in the whole house. ready? set? GO!

i'm feeling itchy. and restless.

managed to defer my exam since i've been so sick. hallelujah. seriously. cannot have gone this way without God's hand in it.

been riding on the bus a lot lately. more than usual. can't imagine why. i find them strangely therapeutic. the ride to the hospital allows me to stone and just free my mind of everything that boggles it.

but.

riding the bus is like getting chosen for sports.

you know how there will always be like 2 or 3 main people in the group that stand out and always seem to get called up to be heads of teams and have to choose teammates from the rest of the group? well, it's like that.

if there's an empty seat next to me, i'll always wait in slight anticipation to see who will end up sitting next to me.

it's like, group leader 1 is hot, group leader 2 is not and group leader 3 is semi ok.

so...fat man enters bus

'don't sit next to me. don't sit next to me. don't sit next to me'

phew...

cute, youngish guy gets on.

'sit. sit. sit. come onnnnnnn'

darn it.

and this goes on until almost all seats are full.

then panic sets in.

oh no. i don't want someone smelly or weird.

enters bag lady.

uh oh.

just my luck.

'hello. you're a very pretty girl'
'urm..thank you.'
'you don't happen to have change for 2 dollars would you?'
'i do. do you need change?'
'oh no. i just thought i'd ask. you see..my dog's got to come on board at the next stop so i might need it then'

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay...

THIS IS THE CRAZIEST THING.. HOW COME IM LOGGED IN TO YOUR BLOGGER ACCOUNT????????muahahahaha


Sarah

happy 89 years kong kong!

water restriction suddenly seems very real. we've been warned that we've been using a tad bit too much of Brisbane's currently depleting natural resource, so they've sent us stickers like these for us to stick around our house to remind us not to be too generous with our use.

quite cute aren't they?

we've stuck them up next to any water outlet in our house. in some places, more than once. like in the shower.

i cannot help but crack a smile whenever i'm shampooing my hair and my eyes just suddenly catch hold of the sticker on the wall. but i've been naughty. i don't really turn off the water when i'm shampooing. it just gets too cold! i step into the shower, all shivering and goosebumpy and i cannot begin to tell you how gloriously delicious it is to turn on the hot water tap and let the steam just rise up and encase me in a cloud of moist heat. it's horribly addictive. i can just stand there and totally forget what i got into the shower for. so...forgive me for not turning off the water while i'm shampooing. i'd like to feel warm for about 15 minutes everyday, thank you very much.

my voice is playing hide and seek with me pretty much everyday now. one minute, i'll have this husky, sexy voice that is audible and vocal and the next, i'm squeaky and whiny and completely inaudible. i have no idea how long this is going to last for. hopefully not long since exams are up in about 10 days. i'm so not prepared what with being sick for almost 3 weeks, i can hardly stand up during ward rounds without swaying and fearing i'm might pass out. and not to mention all the times i've been sent home from the hospital because i was too sick to do anything else. sigh...this is not going to go well for me. i can tell.

my cousin just called me and was asking to speak to me.

'hello? can i speak to grace, please?'
'eh..it's me la.'
'hello? is grace there? did i dial the wrong number?'
'oi. it's me la. don't try to be funny'
'hahahah...are you sure you're grace? when did u get a sex change?'

very funny.

trying to make bak kut teh soup now. hope it turns out alright.

edit

bak kut teh soup turned out really nice.

they should never have disbanded.

consultant 1: i had a case presented to me yesterday. it was a fall from grace.

consultant 2: *rolling eyes* and was she amazing?

consultant 1: oh yes. she was perfect.

consultant 2: *blink blink*

consultant 1: OH! amazing grace! yes, now i get it.

har de har har...

make fun of my name why don't you. and THEN chase me home from hospital. great.

this is how i feel right now. woke up this morning with a splitting headache all around my head. thought i'd stay home and get some cleaning and studying done. but i conveniently forgot that what has been getting me up and about these days have been painkillers by the elephant shotgun load. i don't think my liver's going to put up with it any longer. trying to abstain from taking them today. but i find myself looking more and more longingly at that bottle of panadol next to my bed. it has gotten so bad, that the pain has spread to my jaw, affecting my teeth. not only is there pounding in my head, there's also throbbing in my mouth, tenderness over my sinuses and pins and needles shooting into my eyes. looking directly into light makes me cringe and coughing makes me feel like someone's punching my head with a bag full of rocks. i've only got one eye open as i'm typing this, and opened very minimally i might add, which, isn't very much, considering that i've got very small eyes.

enough. i've had it. this has got to stop.