i am me

kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara
keluhuran perlembagaan
kedaulatan undang-undang
kesopanan and kesusilaan

remember how we used to recite the rukun negara every assembly when we were in primary school? i used to be able to rattle it off by heart back then. it was quite literally engraved into our young, maleable minds.

was feeling unusually hyper and oddly patriotic this evening and was trying very hard to remember the 5 rukun negara which to many of us, we've never used or bothered to remember after leaving school. was raking my brain trying to remember the order and the words to it and finally got it.

was walking and singing Negaraku as well and my friends and i were jabbering away in BM trying to see if we could still manage to order our meals in BM and whether we would be able to converse and treat patients in the government hospitals once we were back home.

it was all fine and dandy til i came home to this.

no words can describe how i feel right now. how ironic is it that i was so proud to be a Malaysian earlier this evening and then to come back and see how much injustice and strife there is in reality. i have to admit, that i am blissfully ignorant when it comes to the politics of my home country and i'm not proud of it. i always thought that eventually, when the time comes, or should i say, when i'm older and maybe slightly wiser, only then would i take a slight interest in my country. but i think that time is now.

has the government become so corrupt in it's greed to reach levels of wealth and power that they've disregarded everything that is sacred and good and right in this world? what happened to justice, freedom and truth? is everyone so busy trying to make their voices heard that they don't listen to what others have to say as well?

i don't think i'm in the right position to say anything now. my mind's too confused. my heart's too broken. my spirit's too disappointed.