it has been a long and hectic week. every hour had me counting longingly the hours till the weekend.

*deep breath*

general medicine rotation has just started. and it's got me peeing in my pants every 20 or so minutes a day. chasing after consultants and registrars. being put on the spot everytime they ask me a question i can't seem to remember the answer to. it has got me really stressed.

so stressed, to the point where i had an epiphany. it was during a bus ride home with ying wei and we were both asking ourselves. is this what we want to do for the rest of our lives? it looks so easy when the others do it. but when it comes to me, i'm plagued by this fear that i won't be able to remember so much and be able to help anyone who needs my help. so for now, i'm flying at a very low radar so as to keep out of the limelight and to try and learn as much as possible during the next 7 weeks.

*stress*

saw my first autopsy the other day. it was on this old man who died from pleural effusion. but the cause of the pleural effusion was a bit dubious, so the doctors decided to cut him open, slice up his lung into little pieces and try to find out what's wrong. it was morbidly fascinating watching them cut this old man up. one must have a pretty strong stomach to stand the smell and the crudeness of it all. i mean...they used large wire cutters from a hardware store to cut open the ribs at the side. and when they were cutting open the skull, it was just klunk, klunk, klunk all the way. no finesse at all. i guess it's not all about glamour in this medical profession.

stole scrubs while in the mortuary. unfortunately, it was the wrong kind. you know how there are shirt and pants scrubs and then a different kind for the nurses? well, i stole the nurses scrubs. and it turned out to be some sort of dress. after going home and showering, i discovered my mistake and when i wore it, with a long white sleeved shirt inside and my hair up in a towel, i was the spitting image of a nun. to be precise, i looked like Maria from the Sound of Music. i came out of the toilet, expecting to be laughed at and i was not disappointed. at least i make people smile.

on the other hand, ying wei's mother is here. together with her aunt and her little brother. they're all cramped up in her room. offered her mine, but she thought it would be a bit too much of a hassle. they've been sitting at home all week,cooking and cleaning and washing my undies (which i'm very much embarassed by), except for the 2 days when they went to the Gold Coast to visit the themeparks. it's quite obvious to see that they find it quite boring here with nothing to do all the time. so, ying wei and i took them to the city yesterday after hospital and the change in their mindset about brisbane was apparent not that they've seen the other side of the city. looks like it's not so bad after all.

right now, they're cooking up a storm for a dinner they want to give the gang tonight. 20 people in all. they're cooking nasi lemak and curry i think. and a whole lot more of goodies. will take lots of pictures and post them up.

bought this pinafore dress after feeling sick of wearing pants and feeling super unfeminine the whole week. thought it was a nice change to my wardrobe. what do you guys think? funnily enough, when we took the aunts to the casino for a lookaround yesterday, i got stopped at the entrance and was asked to show my ID. i was shocked! i mean...the aunts came back out to say that ying wei and i were the same age and that she didn't have to show her ID. but the guard was adamant. he said he wasn't sure of how old i was since i look like i might be below 18. WHOOOO!! i like the sound of that. since i was thought to have been 28 when i was 18, this makes a nice change. maybe i should dress younger from now on.

i miss my sisters. i feel redundant all the way over here since i can't help them out with whatever they're going through. even the simple task of helping my sister pick out what to wear for an outing lifted me up last night. i miss yelling at them. i miss laughing with them. i miss going out for late night A&W suppers with them. not to mention the roti canai sessions every saturday morning, even though LB would have this sour looking face on when she's woken up a bit too early. i think i'm feeling a tad bit nostalgic now since ying wei's whole family is here. her little brother is a gem. i think because he's grown up with so many older women around him, he's learnt to be a bit more sensitive and affectionate than most boys his age. very cute.

had this conversation with them:

me: auntie...i want to cook dinner for you this friday.
auntie: grace! no need la! i come here to cook for you all!
me: no la auntie...must cook for you a bit also mah...
auntie: no need grace. you all so tired come back from hospital. i cook for you all enough.
brother: it's ok la...as long as we know it comes from the heart, it's enough.

*melt*

now how sweet is that? how many 13 year old boys do you know, would say something like that?

oh well...i better get going. auntie's gonna need everyone's help with preparing food for the army tonight.

i'm home!

back to reality and the humdrum of everyday life.

t'was a good holiday.

packed and fun. tried to meet up as many people as possible. unfortunately it was a bit impossible when time was so limited. sorry to those i didn't get to meet. SORRY SU YEE, LAWRENCE AND HSU EN!!

so...it was a WHIRLWIND of a holiday. had a lovely, lovely time in melbourne. it's true when they say it's easy to get lost in love with melbourne. sigh...i like it's old world charm and yet the modernity of its everyday life.

initially, i wanted to blog about every single day i was in melbourne. but that would make this an insanely long post of which i have no patience to type out. so, i'm just gonna post up some pictures of the friends i met up with and then put in little descriptions

had bradwurst and hot chocolate for breakfast at victoria market with lavinia and eugene. a very messy meal i must say. never go there for a first date.

chris' pad. full of high techy goodness. it was so impressive, when i went it, i was quite speechless for a while. he's got his own mini studio right in that corner.

went walking around the city with lavinia, eugene and chris. found some little corners of fun and interest. a shop with my name on it. went in and pretended to be the owner's niece. the shop assistant nearly fell for it, until i burst out laughing. almost got thrown out.

dinner with shirlz, lavinia, eugene, justin and rohan in one of the many little italian ristorantes along lygon street. later on went on for drinks where luke joined us, at some bar whose name escapes me at this point in time.

lunch the next day at eugene's house. his mum made asam laksa! drool....it was good to feel my lips burning with the heat of the chili padi. after that, we played mahjong! and i must say, sarah's really good at it! she'd like beat us flat with 2 eyes closed.

met up with dee jun for lunch and shopping. she took me to this little korean restaurant. was really happy to see her. it had been ages since we'd caught up. so i jumped at the opportunity to see her while in melbourne.

then it was dinner with wee teck and some of his kendo buddies. and later on, it was supper of cheesecake, eggplant chips and hot chocolate with fang. i somehow still think of him as the little boy in high school. but he's all grown up and graduated now. faster than me. hmmph.

daniel koh. ever the same, sweet, silly billy from college days. he's doing really well now i must say. being a leader in the planet shaker's church. very responsible and grown up. i suddenly feel left behind.

justin took me to this little cafe in the city called l'incontro. apparently it's owned by a singaporean. it figures since all the staff were asian. rohan joined us after work, all deck out in his fine suit. made me sweat a bit. *grin*

then it was to St.Kilda's for an afternoon. i loved it. it reminded me of the little towns in europe. it's a nice, seaside town, next to the beach. had lunch in greasy joe's, which is an icon in this little town.

walked along the beachfront and saw monuments of jame cooke and some random citizen who was commended for his service to the public. justin wasn't a really good tour guide. he knew how to take me to places but didn't know the significance of it. hehehe...don't marah justin. just teasing you.

and of course, no trip to melbourne would be complete without visiting the lim family. they're still as malaysian as ever. except maybe i-en and i-shen. haha...took me out for dinner and then made me the surprise gift as we visited auntie min fong and her children nearby. sat around gossiping and catching up with news from back home.

james and wee teck. had lunch with them in a small pizzeria somewhere in the city. turns out, they'd not met up in ages and if it weren't for my busybodyness in calling them up and setting up dates, they would not have thought to meet up either. hmmm..i guess there was a purpose for me to have gone to melbourne.

and of course! my lovely cousin elizabeth, her boyfriend aaron, and fang came in after waking up late. she's also still studying in melbourne uni. had lunch with her in a thai restaurant. very very good food i must say. the pork noodles were exactly like the one i love in ss15's hawker center. siiiigh...

justin and rohan offered to cook me dinner on my last night in melbourne. well..more like justin cooked. rohan just stood around sexually harassing him as he was doing his chef thang. life's never dull with these two jokers around. laughed till my tummy felt like it was going to burst. i'm going to miss them.

went to a bar called Laundry for some music and drinks with LBT. after a night of funk and soul, it was an appropriate end to my stay in melbourne.

and now, i'm home.

CLICK for more pictures.

one more day, one more day, one more day

The Lord is my Shepherd.

I claim in Jesus' name that i will pass my exams.

Amen.

EDIT

it is finished.

i did my best.

now it's for me to leave it in God's hands to do the rest.

Lord, i ask that YOU deliver me through this time of uncertainty. teach me to trust in YOU and have faith that YOU are in control.

Amen.

nervous energy

*runs around cleaning room and house*


edit...


day one complete

*wooosaaahhh*

i've got blue toilet water.

my pee is yellow.

so it turns the toilet water green.

...

i'm afraid to go to sleep tonight.

because i know when i wake up tomorrow, i've got exams.

it's just 2 days grace. just 2 days.

then it's freedom.

melbourne for a week.

should i get this top? it costs 20AUD.

You're an Insightful Linguist!

The Classic IQ Test
Brought to you by Tickle

if my cousins ky-vern, ky-shen and ky-jinn are reading this, i dare them to take this test.

oh..and my score was 131 *beams*

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

this sounds more like my sister...

You Are Lacy Panties

You're one seductive chica, but you've also got a ton of class. You are like a pinup girl, with timeless beauty and sexiness. Men are afraid to talk to you, knowing they'll be addicted to your charm immediately. Only a true manly man, confident in himself, is your perfect match.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

mmm...i like lace...

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Dita Von Teese

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

ooooo...me likeyyyy...

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

i'm such a natural...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

this is PRETTY accurate...

this is quite fun. and i'm quite sure that my sisters will be trying this out with numerous photos to see which celebrity they resemble the most. i did one with me not smiling and one with me smiling...looks like the one i resemble most is miriam yeung. hmmm....oooo, this is doing so much for my ego right now. hahaha....

posts have been getting shorter and shorter lately, with more and more pictures. dunno why. have i lost the ability to write a decent, mind stimulating post which will entice the reader and make them hunger for more, thus making them come back over and over again to read the scintillating tales of my everyday life? right...

never gonna happen.

exams are looming ever closer on the horizon. i'm getting a rush of mixed feelings. one minute i can be thinking that the exams are only 2 days and each day less than 2 hours. calculate and it isn't all that bad. plus, i have melbourne to look forward to next saturday. and then suddenly, the next minute, i'm flushed with panic, wondering if i've studied enough and if i've covered all the right topics, wondering what if i get tongue-tied and won't be able to present my long case properly. all these conflicting emotions. it's driving me crazy. this rollercoaster ride happens everyday and i sincerely want to get off now.

my mind seems to always be playing these games with me. it never shuts up. even when i'm trying to sleep. it plagues me. i lie awake at night wondering what if, what if, what if. doesn't do well for the eyebags, let me tell you.

and oh, i've succumbed to the conspiracy that is skinny jeans.

yes, you heard me right.

i have bought a pair of black skinny jeans. because any other colour would make me look fatter than i already am. which isn't very flattering.

it's so funny, how i just decided to get them.

*scenario in changing room*

(coming out in a pair of straight leg black jeans, which somehow look like skinny jeans, i'm trying on a size 10)

me: su-ann, what do you think?
su-ann: not bad. is it very tight?
me: no. it fits well across the hips and thighs but the waist quite loose.
su-ann: maybe you should try a smaller size?
me: ok, can you get me a size 9?

(su-ann does and comes back with a size 9 and i try it on)

me: oh, this fits better. but the waist still loose.
su-ann: it's ok ah..but ya, the waist is still loose. it's not supposed to be loose.

(i turn to the attendant, who's a guy)

me: what do you think?
guy: well, is it really tight? cos, they're supposed to be tight.
me: no. it's loose at the waist.
guy: well, to me, these kinda jeans will stretch and i seriously think you should get a smaller size. cos, when you wear them for a while, they tend to stretch. especially on the butt and the thigh area. so, it should be really tight so it'll still look good even when it does stretch.
me: ok...su-ann can get me size 8? pleeeeease?

(su-ann gives me a look, which i totally understand and goes to get me a size 8)

su-ann: they don't have anymore size 8.
me: oh...like that then i'll stick to this lorh..a bit loose is ok right? i mean, what if i put on weight? then it'll just even out.
guy: really? i think you should try another pair. like skinnies? you've got long legs, it'll suit you really well. and girl...those jeans should make you NOT want to put on weight.
me: oh..i don't like skinny jeans. i don't look good in them.
guy: oh! but they're not much different from the pair that you've got on now! look..(bends over and tightens the jeans around my ankles) they'll just be slightly tighter over here. if you want i can get you a pair.
me: oh...urh...ok i guess.

(he whizzes over to the rack behind him and pulls out, with flourish i must add, a size 8, black, skinny jeans, thrusts them into my hands and shoos me back in the fitting room to try it on)

me: how does it look?
guy: ohhhh...that looks really good!
su-ann: it's ok ah..
me: hmm...not too bad hor...ok la..i'll get it.
guy: good for you!!

so, i bought the jeans for 29AUD and i must say, i think my butt has flattened. seriously. i put on the jeans and whoosh...no more butt. and i'm SURE you guys can LIKE, figure out how the guy LIKE, TOTALLY sounded when he was talking to me.

i am a very irate girl today. i feel restless, i feel irritated, i feel useless, i feel bored, i feel stressed, i feel BLARRGGGHH! i can't even put it into words. so annoying.

this is gonna be a really mindless, rant. so, don't read if you don't want to.

it's so freaking boring here! i'm serious. there's just nothing i can do. i know it's exams soon but sometimes studying all day can really just get to you, you know? at least at home, i still had my sisters to annoy and take my mind off things. but here. oh-my-gosh. there's nothing i can do. i can't just simply go up to my very black neighbours and start to annoy them can i?

me: hello...
them: hello...
me: i'm just here to annoy you...
them: urh...okay...
me: so here goes...*annoy annoy annoy* pulls hair, or with them, their non-existant ones. growl at them. smack them when i feel annoyed.

ROAR! i don't even know what i'm posting.

and i've used the word annoy quite often enough in this post already.

so i'm gonna stop.

it takes a very secure person to do this...

anyone fancy a mini facial?

...

exams coming up. roar.

was just looking through Cleo's 50 most eligible bachelors in Malaysia and i must say, i'm fairly disappointed. have we run out of talented, impressive, accredited young men to call eligible? from what i've read of their profiles, most of them are relatively shallow, immature and quite offensive in a few ways.

all i can say is, either Cleo's looking in all the wrong places, or, this is what Malaysian men have become. i know i may be stepping on quite a few toes here as some might know one or two of these men personally. but at times, i wonder, is this what is considered eligible? being able to go out and party, sweet talk the girls into succumbing to their 'charm', being comfortable with not going anywhere in their lives and just continue having fun til their old and grey? come on, i'm sure there are many girls out there who believe in loving a man for their stability, their integrity, their goals in life, their ability to believe in something greater than themselves.

take note, men, you do not need to impress women by being all happening and hip. it's all a phase and it's really superficial. you should not go about life thinking about how to dress up for the next party to 'hook' up with another girl, or how to say all the right things to impress them. it's all about character. girls can tell when a guy is being sincere or not. sure, they may 'hook' up with you, but only for that night. and it may very well suit many guys out there. but is this what life is gonna be 20 years down the line? girls do not bring these kind of guys home to meet their parents or to settle down with. the same way guys do not want to take home a girl that's been around the block.

wow..did this just turn into operasi train jantan part 9?

anyway...

met up with long-time friend, ms. yip shin yi over the weekend. had her, and her bf, housemate and landlord over for a small dinner party. i must say it was absolutely fabulous seeing her again. all the noisy jokes and laughs and comical reminisces we brought up. we haven't changed a bit. i guess one never really grows out of her childhood. there's always a small piece of that floating right beneath the surface, waiting to come up for air once in a while. i think she looks ravishing with her new hair, and beautiful smile. her boyfriend's lucky to have her. and he knows it.

now...all i need to do is find someone who'll think he's lucky enough to have me as well....

this little cutie was sitting next to me on the bus this morning. i had previously seen him and his mom once on another bus. he obviously remembered me since he gave me a huge smile and jumped onto the seat next to me when i sat down. he was so adorable. he was smiling and holding my hand, he showed particular interest in my fingers. nice to get some male attention finally. so he was making cute faces and lighting up whenever i acknowledged his actions. makes me smile just thinking about it. he ended up rummaging through my bag and brought out my mp3 player. i casually placed one earphone into his left ear and one into my right. from then, all through the busride, he sat silent as a lamb. completely mesmerized by the music playing into his head. i looked into his marvellously greenish-grey eyes and saw the intensity there as he sat listening vividly to the music. and i thought to myself. i might have just created a future musician. and it made my day to know i've made a difference in his young life. as i got off the bus, he gave a little peck on the cheek and waved goodbye ever so wonderfully.


he smiles with brightly lit eyes
the little creases crinkling in laughter
he gazes up and wanders at her face
so different, yet so much the same

he takes her hand and holds it up
against the light, it seemed to glow
her fingers spun out of invisible gold
so magically crafted, so wisely ornamented

a hand that fit so rightly in his
a perfect match in every way
life should be like this
simply fitting, simply living

trying to run away from the realities of life.

can anyone give me a hand?

there was a levi's warehouse today in the city and decided to go and have a look. didn't buy anything jeans though. instead i bought a nice scarf, hat and glove set. i tend to have very cold hands so i thought it'd be reasonable to get a pair.

tried on a whole lot of funny hats.

...

i was at my general practice clinic the other and decided to get some fruits to eat for lunch. i went over to the fruit seller next door and i saw mandarin oranges! i squealed in glee. quite literally. i snatched up 2 and paid for them. cost 62.5cents each but i was too happy to care. i gleefully skipped back to the clinic, carrying my gold treasures anticipating the moment i could sink my teeth into the squishy fruit.

as i was peeling it, i was hit with a sense of nostalgia. i didn't get to eat these particular oranges during Chinese New Year since they didn't have them at the time but even after so many months, just peeling them made me think about my 22 years celebrating Chinese New Year back home.

and it made me think.

i want my kids to have the kind of childhood i had. the large extended family coming together for Chinese New Year, the gobbling down of food at all hours of the day, eating cookies and mandarin oranges till we were sick, playing mahjong, drinking soft drinks till our pee smelled sweet, running away from lighting the firecrackers we would scour the backlanes of the town for, the visiting of friends homes. i want my kids to have that. and for that, i want to go back to Malaysia and raise my kids there.

it's not that i don't think i can do all that here in Australia, but somehow, i think it'll be so much more different. and not necessarily in a good way. the atmosphere i know would more or less be the same if there is family around. but deep down, i know it wouldn't.

i want to go home.

*crack*

the man who waved the whip sneered.

'come on! get moving!' he yelled.

whimpers filled the air. the sounds of sobbing occasionally cutting through. a scream pierced through the furor of sounds causing the man to turn.

'i can't! i just can't! please...please don't do this!' a feminine voice pleaded, almost hysterically.

'you can and you will! now drink!' the man spat on her face and focred a tube down her throat.

she gagged and then sagged, defeated as she felt the changes in her body take place. with her arms tied over her head, she could do nothing to stop the cruelty that was befalling her.

women all around her suffered the same fate. all were tied and all were wearing the same, terror-filled expression.

she felt the area between her legs beginning to dampen and she cried. unwillingly, she felt the warm liquid slide down her legs and collect in a little bowl under her. she had lost control of herself a long time ago. she tried to look down past her swollen belly but couldn't.

'please...please...don't hurt my baby. please..' she begged of the cruel man looking down at her.

'oh, you're baby will be fine. don't you worry about that. we NEED your baby,' he mocked.

he bent down and retrieved the little bowl that held her urine and looked trumphantly at it. he raised it above his head and shouts of victory rang through the dank hall.

he raised the bowl to his lips and downed the pale yellow liquid in one.

...

sounds quite the gross right? hahaha...well, it kinda is. this comically crude image came to my mind this afternoon when i found out that the Human Chorionic Gonadothropin hormone was harvested from the urine of pregnant women. ??? so now they get women to pee and then harvest the hormone to feed to the poor, unfortunate soul who can't produce his own? pffft...

apparently this hormone is administered to the very unfortunate male who sadly cannot produce the particular hormone to mature sexually. it'll all become very technical if i were to explain it. so, i'll just leave it at this.

on a similar note, apparently another hormone known as the Leutenising Hormone, that is required to mature sexually as well is harvested from the gonads of the CHINESE hamster. when i read that i was like...'what the...?' why must it specifically be the CHINESE hamster huh?? why can't it be the english or the african or the indian hamster? why the discrimination huh?? the hamster is apparently injected with the hormone and then produces it as well. something like splicing i guess, and then they harvest it. wow...the wonders of science.

happy birthday bea

you're a wonderful, quirky and loving friend who i would not trade for a ton of elephants. thanks for always being there when i needed a shoulder to cry on, for when i needed someone to listen to me gripe about life, for when i just needed to hang out. you're a true gem in a mountain of coal. here's to years of friendship and to many years more.

happy birthday zhao kang

The teddy bear with neverending hugs and smiles. Here’s to a friendship that’s withstood the test of vomiting, crying, shouting and reckless driving. You’re truly a great friend and with that, I can safely say, you’re the best

and there's another very special person in my life whom i want to send birthday greetings to.

thank you for all the years of love, stress and comfort. you have been one of the many pillars in my life to which i can now stand erect. for always being there when i had no one to turn to, i thank you. your life has made mine all the better. your kindness and love shows through your every step, your every word. love you loads aunteh...

happy birthday anselma tecio

my skirt blew up while i was waiting for the bus.

i guess i was standing to close to the edge.

a cyclist passed by and witnessed my extremely embarassing marilyn monroe moment.

he gave me a wink and a smile.

*shy*

have been quite down in the dumps lately.

sorry.

i just don't have anything left in me that rejoices.

and i read that in all circumstances, we should give thanks, rejoice and celebrate.

i know that i have it easier than most people.

i know.

but sometimes it all just gets too much to handle all at once and cracks appear.

breakdowns occur.

the 'black dog' is weighing down.

but i must learn to rejoice.

i must learn to give thanks.

i must learn to trust.

teach me to trust in You, oh Lord.

i was just surfing through random websites and random blogs and it just felt like i was back in malaysia. seeing all the familiar places and hearing the familiar sounds of my world suddenly made me feel happy again.

but i'm not.

i miss home.

and this feeling doesn't seem to be going away.

i have no drive to do anything anymore. my room is a mess. i don't feel like cooking. showering suddenly seems very tedious. i can't sleep. i wake up at the crack of dawn. i have horrible eyebags. i'm breaking out in places i cannot even imagine. my days pass in a blur. i start crying at the drop of a hat. listening to music doesn't hold anymore joy for me.

all i want to do is curl up into a ball and dream.

at least dreaming will take me home.

He is risen.

He lives.

He knows.

He hears.

He cries.

He cares.

He loves.

it beckons and calls,
whispering promises,
promising hope,

it comes and goes,
bringing comfort,
seeking solace,

it wraps me in,
it keeps me trapped,
long, sinewy fingers,
strong, tough, frightening,

it paints a pretty picture,
of fun and laughter,
but all in the past,
nothing in the future,

it slowly seeps in,
sinking it's taloned fingers deep within,
tightly holding never unassuming,
for it might lose me as easily as it wound around me,

it comes and it goes,
never far, always skirting,
but never straying,

'leave me', i say,
'i want you to go,'
but it never does,

only One can save me,
only One can make it go,
'help me, Lord,
save me from myself,
leave me not to drown in my sorrow,
leave me not to sink to my darkest depths.
lift me up so i may live,
lift me up so i may soar,
live in me so i need not fear,
make me whole again, make me feel.'

was my turn to cook dinner tonight so i opted for a change from the usual rice with one meat and one veggie. pan grilled chicken breast with mashed potatoes, boiled asparagus and grilled cherry tomatoes. topped off with a wine and mushroom sauce. all made from scratch i must say. since i got home early from clinic today, decided to give ying wei and myself a treat. had a nice long dinner and a nice long, bloated chat after dinner. tried the ever famous bundaberg rum and cola, brewed and bottled in bundaberg, queensland. which incidentally, is where i will be posted to for my rural rotation.

my shoe collection has dwindled significantly since i got here. mostly due to the fact that i couldn't fit all my shoes into my luggage and NOT go over the 30kg limit when i flew over here and also due to the fact that shoes in brisbane aren't all that cheap. but, i've manage to find some pretty good bargains. yes, even with my ever small and slitty eyes, i've scourged the city and found these.

all for the VERY affordable price of 50AUD. yes, yes, you can call me the BARGAIN QUEEN. thank you, thank you. i'd never have done it, save for my little eyes. thank you little eyes.

and now, my little slitty eyes are getting smaller as the nights have not been kind to me of late. sleepless, mindless tossing and turning, coupled with shoulder, neck and back aches. thank God for the long weekend.

they all died.

maybe i'll try turtles next. they at least indicate better if they're about to die. plus...teenage mutant ninja turtles the movie is coming out soon. so i'll commerate their opening with some new turtles in my little jar.

super tired. getting to clinic everyday is starting to wear down on me. and it's only the 5th day. imagine 3 more weeks of this. gosh...

maybe it's seasonal depression.

i need to find something that'll hold my interest for longer than a week. can you believe i'm getting tired of shopping also already? that's not a good sign.

long easter weekend coming up in 2 days. still wondering what to do. maybe i'll go to Gold Coast again and stay a few days this time. but then again..there's only so much i can do. unless i head over to the theme parks. but those are really pricey.

was waiting for the bus on sunday afternoon and there was an old man sitting there. he was smoking this really smelly cigarette and i was trying not to breathe in too much of the second hand smoke.

him : are you going to church?
me : urh...i went this morning..
him : i see...
me : are YOU going to church?
him : me?? oh no...i'm a naughty boy. (gave me a very lewd smile and wink)
me : oh...i see. (starting to feel a bit awkward)
him : the priest was f**king the nun!
me : oh...that's not good.

thank goodness the bus arrived then and i hopped on, took a seat far AWAY from him, popped my mp3 on and buried my nose in the book i had brought.

but then...i wasn't exactly off the hook yet. the bus stopped at the next stop and another old man hopped on. not as old as the last one, but old enough to be a grandfather. he took a look around the bus and decided to sit next to me. i had the book open on my lap and was fiddling with my mp3 player.

him : so what are you reading?
me : huh? oh...it's just some light reading material..
him : what's it about?
me : urh..it's about these four friends who are trying to help out another friend who just got dumped by her fiance, by hooking her up with another guy.
him : sounds interesting.
me : haha..uh..yeah..just something easy to read..
him : so what do you do for fun?

*ding*

my stop came up and i hurriedly hopped off. WARGH!!!
i need younger men hitting on me! not old men old enough to be wearing a doodoo bag!

there has to be something wrong when i can't even finish eating 2 sushi rolls without feeling like i'm gonna burst.

so GP has been utterly fantastic. great doctors, great nurses, really cool patients and most of all, lovely drug representatives that bring free food to entice the hearts of the doctors to buy from them. hope they come everyday so i don't have to bother packing my own lunch or buying it if i'm running late.

getting to the clinic's a bit of a hassle though. the bus doesn't really stop directly in front of the clinic, it stops about 1km away. so i've been walking a lot lately. calves getting super toned but at the end of the day, i'm so tired, they involuntarily go into spasms and cramp up.

today's session starts at 2. so, i've been playing house the whole morning. cleaned my room, scrubbed the toilet, washed the clothes. i'm turning into a regular stepford wife. minus the blond hair and bimbotic facade.

oh, and did i mention, i've started keeping fish? guppies. bought 5 of them, 2 have since died. don't ask me how, i don't know either. you'd think the daughter of an avid fish keeper would know how to keep a few measly guppies alive. guess not. they cost me an arm and a leg as well! one fish cost 3.75AUD. back home, they'd cost 50 cents! crap...

me : daddy!! i bought fish!!

daddy: nice. how did you cook it?

me : huh? i bought fish for keeping lar! guppies!

daddy : ohhhh..how many?

me : 3 males and 2 females.

daddy : ... you should have bought 1 male and 3 females lar...

me : but they're the same price! i thought buying the colourful males would have been the better choice.

daddy : how much did they cost?

me : urm...3.75 each?

daddy : (due to the lag over the phone line, there was literally a 30 second silence) WHAAAAAAAT!?!!?!?! tzap kui korh??? (hokkien for almost RM20) can buy me 2 meals already!

me : but...but...but...they were the cheapest fish!!

daddy : couldn't you have just gone into the drains and fished up a few??

me : daddy...i don't even see drains here. they're all under the roads..

daddy : haih...you're supposed to be investing in ASSETS not LIABILITIES!!

me : but they ARE assets! don't tell me all the fish at home, not assets arr?? then you got more liabilities than me!

daddy : then you better make sure your fish start breeding so you can sell the babies and make money.

good ol' daddy...

everytime i watch this show, i am practically goosebumped the whole time. i absolutely adore tragic love stories. it just makes life so much more exciting. wah...i'm quite drama. but really. the love that they share. so pure. so true. so timeless. siiiiigh...something i have yet to find actually. hopefully it's out there somewhere. but other than that, i'm completely mesmerised by the colours and dancing of the show. it all looked so dark and yet so colourful. the song arrangements were delightful. watching the show was like being in a pinball machine where i was bouncing off songs and was just being thrown from one end of the musical spectrum to the other. lovely.

was su-ann's birthday yesterday. had an small, intimate dinner party for her. soo yi came over as well and of course, where there's soo yi, there are obligatory silly pictures.

voila!

only with soo yi will i do silly, off the wall stupid things like this. that's because she'll do it with me. =)

starting GP rotation tomorrow. quite looking forward to it. hopefully i get a good doctor. and a cute one too.

had a remarkable and memorable day yesterday. decided to be adventurous and spontaneous and took a train down to the Gold Coast by myself yesterday. wanted to head over to Surfer's Paradise to take in the beach. something that i absolutely love. just sitting on a beach. watching people, chasing the waves, sinking my toesies into the sand. ah...bliss.

so, i'm all up and ready to go at 9am and after an uneventful trip, except the fire drill at the train station (i was told to leave, if not i would DIE), i arrived at the Gold Coast. the sky didn't look too promising though. it was cloudy and slightly gloomy. but i had faith that it would blow away and that the sun would come out to play. HEY! that rhymed! hahaha...sorry...bimbo moment.

met up with some classmates of my little sister, sook yi and xue mei and had a blast! went window shopping, which ended up being actual shopping, had a whopping lunch where we had to literally BEG the waiter for more delicious mushroom sauce (which by the way, i think i know how to make already), and got hit on by some surfers who were recruiting for a bar crawl they were organizing. *note: if the girls were over 18, i would hop right over to the hottie and list my name and theirs down with them in BOLD*

finally, we saw it. well, at least i saw it, they've been there umpteen times already.

Surfer's Paradise.

clambered over the dunes and managed to find a spot. not many people since it was a friday and that was a blessing. since i was there to appreciate the view and not the bodies. if i wanted to do that, i'd come on a saturday, FOR SURE.

i love the sand..

pictures with the young ladies. all grown up. *sniff* i remember when sook yi was a little girl and would come over to my house to play sleepover with my little sis. and now, she's a beautiful young lady. *nostalgia*

the blue, blue, sky. how beautiful.

it was such a wonderful day. i didn't want it to end.

went city crawling today. just decided to go alone and walk around. taking in the sights and the people. very un-touristy i assure you. just needed some alone time to listen to my music and to chill with myself. stumbled upon this very interesting piece of scripture:

i like it...

found a small store tucked away in a corner that made medals and coins. was gazing into the window while i was waiting for my bus and i saw this

this medal is dedicated to my old faithful companion back home, loobie, who's old and frail and my daddy is going to take her to be put down this week. rest in peace darling loobie. your years of loyal service, love, loyalty and faithfulness to our family will be much missed.